Falling In Love, With Me

In terms of self esteem, 2015 was a hard year for me.  When I confessed this to friends, they found it hard to believe.  Yes it’s true, I never seem to be lacking in self esteem, but after losing so much weight from my gastric bypass surgery, I started to gain some of it back.  People always want to know how it happened and the simple answer is that I started eating sugar again.  Anyone who tells you that fat makes you fat is full of crap, sugar makes you fat.  But anyway, that’s a rant for another time...

I wasn’t prepared for the toll gaining some weight back would take on my mind.  I had gained back a fraction of what I had lost, but I felt bigger than I had ever been.  And worst of all, I felt completely undesirable.  My depression and anxiety skyrocketed.  I pulled back from most social activities.  I wasn’t myself anymore.

I had to remind myself that I needed to love myself exactly as I was that moment.  Not if I lost 20 pounds.  I had to fall in love with me again, and that was going to take some work.

When the LDS Matchmaker presented me with their “Make It Happen Package”, I never imagined what an impact it would have on my life!  And one of the best parts was the professional photo shoot.

We all know how much better you feel when you have your hair and makeup done, and add to that some amazing photos by a fantastic photographer and you have one happy Barbie  J

My Dating Coach Lauren was also my stylist.  She took me to a few different stores and helped me put together some outfits.  While I can find you the perfect wedding dress, regular fashion just isn’t my thing.  I definitely needed her help.  I also had a work trip to Chicago coming up and these outfits went along perfectly!

The day of the shoot, the amazing Brittany Wilson did my makeup (resident matchmaker and stylist).  She even put some fancy fake eyelashes on me which made my eyes look incredible!

The photo shoot took place at the Salt Lake City Library, hands down one of my favorite places downtown.  Sami Johnson (Matchmaker extraordinaire) was there to help with anything I needed and to be my own personal cheerleader.  Seriously, every time I started having the thought “I probably look awful”,  out of nowhere she would shout out “You are such a hottie!!”.  It’s hard not to smile when you have someone encouraging you on.

The photos were taking by the insanely talented MJ Morgan, owner of “My Style Photography”.  His skill working with natural light makes my jaw drop, and to top it off, he’s an incredibly nice guy.  He’s mellow, inviting and gives great direction to make you look your absolute best.  He also didn’t mind when I gave him my input about poses or things I wanted in the background.

The experience was amazing!  A few days later he sent me all of the images and I chose my favorite 10 for him to edit.  Here are the final results, I love them!  

Seeing in photos that even though I have gained some weight, I am still beautiful.  It was exactly what I needed!

I am still working on getting my weight back to a more comfortable place for me, but in the meantime, I am falling in love with me again.  And that's a really great thing  :)

I can’t say enough good things about this experience.  I honestly think everyone should do it!  I use the photos for both business and personal (LOTS of online dating!).

Of course I recommend you set up an appointment and meet with the LDS Matchmaker http://www.theldsmatchmaker.com/  to see what packages she recommends, it’s worth it!

Just Because You're Single, Doesn't Mean You're Broken

Being single is great.

Being single is hard.

Being single is empowering.

Being single is heartbreaking.

All of these statements about being single are accurate.  Being single is not easy.  It has it's perks as well as it's challenges, it's highs and it's lows.

But being single does not make you broken.

Being an LDS woman in her 30's who has never been married is not very common, well unless you live in Utah and then there are literally thousands of women in the same situation.  But even with those thousands of other women, it is easy to feel alone, hopeless and constantly fighting the urge to adopt a large amount of cats and calling them your "babies".

You wonder if you will ever have children.  You start to imagine that monthly your eggs make a mass exodus because they know there isn't any use sticking around anyway.

You dote on your nieces and nephews because A) They are adorable,  B) May be as close as you ever get to having kids, and C) might be your only hope of family taking care of you when you are old and senile and not throwing you in a home.

Maybe these are all things only I think about, but I digress.....

It is so easy for us to see someone and know minimal facts about them and jump to a very simple conclusion (I know I have!).  Single, 30's, something must be wrong with them.

Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of strange people out there.  There are some people that I have met and within 5 minutes I can say "Oh yea, that's totally why you're single".  But in a land of probably 10,000 mid-singles, these strange ones are few and far between.

The vast majority of women (and men) are attractive, strong in the gospel, hard working and all around amazing people.  They are not broken, or damaged because they aren't married.

You have to remember that Heavenly Father has different timelines for everyone.

I have met so many women, incredible women, who truly think they must be broken.

Please, I beg you, stop thinking this way!

Some of us are meant to marry later in life.  Some of us aren't meant to marry at all.

Have faith in Heavenly Father's plan, including his timing.

And if you ever think you are broken because you are single, just remember Sherri Dew.  She is 62 and has never been married.  And I dare someone to call her broken  ;)

The Top 10 List

In the process of working with my dating coach, one exercise she has had me work on has been particularly helpful;

Creating a Top 10 List

I have always been a very “all inclusive” dater, which I don’t think is a particularly bad thing.  My rule has been, if someone asks me out (unless I feel physically in danger) I will always say yes.  I don’t really have a “Type”, and I love to meet people from all different walks of life.  The downside to this is I tend to be too inclusive.  Time and time again I have let people into my life, despite the red flags (and I mean giant, huge, spotlight on them, can’t be missed red flags).

So Lauren has been working on helping me figure out what qualities in a man I really am looking for.  The entire process has been so eye opening for me and has really helped me focus.  My goal is to date with a purpose and find the man I want to be with.

Now keep in mind, this does not mean “Oh he doesn’t have everything I am looking for on my list, I won’t go out with him”.  I still will say yes to all dates, but instead of dating the guy who I shouldn’t be with for 3 months, it will help remind me of what I truly want.

For most people, having a list is extremely helpful with making sure you let the right guys in.  How many times have we heard someone say “He asked me out, but he’s shorter than I am” or “He has red hair”.  These are things that shouldn’t be deal breakers at the beginning!  Would you really want to turn away the love of your life because they don’t fit every little detail from what you have built up in your mind?? 

This list isn’t set in stone, I can adjust things as they come up.  But for now, here is my list;

1    1.  Hard working in all aspects of life (Work, Church and Family Life)

2    2.  Reliable

3    3.  Humble

4    4.  Strong emotional connection

5    5.  Physically affectionate

6    6.  Good sense of humor/banter

7    7.  Kind

8    8.  Willing to Travel/Sense of Adventure

9    9.  Personal Responsibility (no victim mentality)

1    10.  Open to alternative family options (blended families, possibly adoption etc)

      In the past two months, my list has been revised multiple times.  Some things have been removed altogether, some new things added.  I went on a date a few weeks ago with a man who was the most arrogant person I think I have ever met.  I literally got home and revised my list, and "Humble" jumped up to #3.

By putting it on paper and being so aware of what I am truly looking for, I have been amazed at how those types of people seem to be showing up everywhere I look!  No relationships yet, but I am always hopeful  J

In Defense of the Short Guy

Attention ladies!  There is a fully untapped resource in the dating market full of amazing guys!  You just might have to look a little lower than you originally planned.

That's right, I'm talking about short guys.

Since moving to Utah, I have been amazed at how many attractive, funny, ambitious, spiritual guys I have met.  To so many girls, they are un-dateable because they are under 5'10.  And yes guys, most women consider anything under that height to be "short".

Here in the land of plenty, tall girls abound.  I'm not exactly short at 5'8, and there are tons of girls that are taller than me, some even over 6 foot!  They are also crazy beautiful.

Now in our fantasies about the man we marry, he will be taller than us.  Tall enough that we can wear heels and he is still taller.  This I have found is the equivalent to men wanting a woman with long hair, big boobs and a small waist.

Does this mean that the perfect person for them will have those features?  No, no it does not!  But it's so easy for us to pass by an amazing person because they don't meet an unrealistic expectation.

I can understand where women are coming from.  Especially when you are already tall, it's sexy to be with a man who makes you feel tiny and feminine.  I dated a guy who was 6'5 and I absolutely loved when he would wrap me in his arms and make me feel so safe.  He was also a complete jerk.  Not exactly worth it.

A perfect example is my dear friend Hilary.  Hilary is 5'11.  In the past, she had said she wouldn't even consider dating a guy unless he was at least 6 feet tall.  Then she met Dan.

Dan is 5'8.  A full 3 inches shorter than she is.

Dan is also intelligent, hard working, funny, kind, loyal and just about every amazing quality you could want.  Oh, and super handsome, don't worry Hil, I'm not trying to hit on your man  ;)

They were good friends for about a year before he admitted he had feelings for her.  She decided to give it a shot.  They have now been married for a little over a month!

I asked Hilary what changed her mind about dating a guy who was shorter than her and she said
"I got to the point in my life where the other stuff like drive and niceness were higher on the list than height".

If a guy truly cares about you, the height difference won't bother him either.  She said "He doesn't care.  I have even asked him and he has no concern about it, which makes me totally comfortable too.  He is manly.  He doesn't have to be taller than me to be a manly man that can protect me."

They absolutely adore each other and he treats her like gold.  Isn't that what we are all looking for?

There is only one piece of advice I have for the guys.  I used to date a guy who was about 4 inches shorter than me.  It never bothered me, until he went to hug me goodnight.  Instead of putting his arms around my waist, he would put them around my neck.  It totally made me feel like the guy and I hated it.  Guys, don't do that.

So I ask you tall ladies, give the short guys a chance!

And like my dear aunt says, go ahead and date the shorter guy, because it doesn't matter when you're laying down ;)

The Blessing

On Saturday night around 11pm, I got the call that my father had passed away.  This was not unexpected news, but never something you want to hear.  

On Sunday, I was in a fog.  I couldn't form thoughts, let alone sentences.  I walked around the house like a zombie.  A dear friend of mine was in town and we had made previous plans for him to come over for dinner.  He gave me the option to cancel, but I had the feeling not to.  He lives in Colorado and my visits with him are far too infrequent.

After dinner, we and some other friends were sitting on the couch chatting.  At one point while everyone was talking to each other, he looks over at me and whispers "Do you need a blessing?".

My first reaction was "No, I'm ok".  Blessings are not something that I grew up with much access too and they are very difficult for me to ask for.  But as soon as the word no came out of my mouth, I regretted it.  What other opportunity was I going to have to get a blessing from a priesthood holder who I loved and trusted, and who clearly knew I needed it?  I said yes.

We went into a room and he gave me a blessing of comfort.  To be honest, I don't even remember what he said, but I do remember the undeniable feeling of love as he laid his hands on my head.  My fog instantly lifted.  I was ready to face the challenges the next few weeks would bring.

When we went back into the room with our friends, he stood there a moment and then looked at someone else and asked her out of the blue, "Do you need a blessing?".  She looked shocked, but then realized, she needed a blessing so badly.  This woman had never said a word that she was struggling and needed some comfort.  He just knew.

They came back a few minutes later with tear stained faces.

Then he looked at another friend and also asked her, "Do you need a blessing?".  She nodded and they went.

This friend had a flight to catch, but he took the time to listen to the spirit and follow his prompting to give us each a blessing.

Three strong, independent women, with no family in Salt Lake City, who didn't even know how desperately we needed to feel the love of our Heavenly Father at that moment.

Why am I writing a blog post about something so personal?  Because thinking back to the feelings of that day, it made me almost heartsick to realize that feeling was so rare for me, and I think for so many other single women.  

So I am directing this post at my wonderful single LDS men.  I beg you.  Do what you need to in your life so that you are worthy and able to give a blessing anytime, anywhere.  Be in tune with the Spirit.  Follow the promptings.

Do your home teaching.  And visit them at their house, not the church.  Insist on it.  How are you going to be aware of things I need help with if you don't even know where I live?  Be their friend.  Be proactive.  My past home teachers got me active in the church again and taught me more about the Gospel then I ever could have imagined.  And it happened because they truly cared for me, not just as a number for quotas.

So many of the single women I know have grown to be so independent, the main thing they truly need in their lives is good, worthy Priesthood holders.  We need them desperately.

To my amazing single LDS women.  Ask for help!  Say yes when they offer.  We need these men, we need to make sure they know our appreciation.  We can't do everything on our own, and we aren't supposed to.  

I have met so many amazing men and women since moving to Utah.  If we all take another step up, open ourselves up to the blessings just waiting for us, imagine the wonderful things that could happen!

If I'm Doing This, You're All Coming With Me.....

It has officially begun.

I have been a little surprised by the amount of people who read my blog post (almost 1000 so far!) last week about my new dating challenge.  And it has been amazing to see all the love and support that everyone has been sending!  I have had people stop me at every turn wishing me luck, asking for more information, and telling me how excited they are to read about it.

One comment that has been coming up a lot is, most people are surprised I am willing to be so open about my dating life and struggles.  I try to be a fairly open person, so this doesn't seem any different to me.  I don't think I am going through anything that thousands of other people aren't going through right now as well.  If reading about my journey (did you know I hate when people use the word "journey"?  Story for another time, but sadly, there wasn't a better word for me to use) helps even one person, then it is worth it for me.

So yes, I will be pretty open about all of this.  I will tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly about dating.  Hopefully it at least makes you smile  :)

Last week, I had my first official meeting with my dating coach Lauren.  Her main goal is to work with her clients about what is holding them back from being in a successful relationship.  The LDS Matchmaker has a lot of success stories, and it isn't just because they introduce you to great people (Which they do.  Seriously, quality people), but that they want you to be in a loving, healthy and successful relationship.  By working with their entire staff, and in particular a dating coach, you can learn and grow into a truly dateable person!

I showed up for my appointment with Lauren and was a little taken aback.  Lauren is hot.  She's not just pretty, she's hot.  And that can be intimidating to any woman.  Thankfully, she is also warm, inviting, and truly wants to help you succeed in relationships.

I'm on the left, Lauren is on the right.  

Sorry guys, she is super married.

So what is a dating coach you ask?  Essentially, it's like having your own personal dating therapist.  Except not the kind of therapist that sits there and listens while you whine about being single and says things like "And how does that make you feel?".  She's the kind who asks you what it is you are looking for and she makes a game plan, heck, she even gives me homework!

I got lots of amazing information during our meeting (don't worry, I'll go into more detail about them in future blog posts), but I want to share with you the one that made the most impact on me.  She had me tell her what my main priorities were in my life, and then put them in order.  Mine came out like this;

Work
Self Improvement (broken into sub categories)
     Financial
     Spirituality
     Appearance/Weight
     Health/Diet
Marriage
Social Life
Community
Family

Then she asked me to take the next week and figure out how much time per week I was devoting to each of these priorities.  The next step, was to figure out how much money I am putting towards each of these.

This was an awesome way to show if I was truly committed to improving, or just talking about it.  It made me sit down and really figure out if something is my #2 priority, why is it getting the least amount of my time and attention?  It made me readjust my mindset in a really positive way.

I left my first meeting with her feeling more hopeful and excited about dating than I had in years!  I wanted to improve myself and meet that special someone, and now I had help to do it!

*I want to address the main comment I get over and over again when people ask me about the LDS Matchmaker, "but it seems so expensive".  That is a completely valid point.  Her services are not Wal-Mart prices, but neither is the quality.  Sure, you can buy every self help dating book on the market, and they have some really great information in them.  What I love about this program is that it holds you accountable.  A book can get put on a shelf and easily forgotten, but when you work with the team, they will not be forgotten (I dare you to try, they will find you).  You are making a commitment to improving yourself and they are worth the cost and effort!*

If you are ready for more information about the LDS Matchmaker and her team, you can visit her website at http://www.theldsmatchmaker.com/ or ask me for more information  :)

The New Challenge

As you all know, in 2015 I gave myself a challenge to go on 100 dates.  I am proud to say that I accomplished this goal!  And then I went into dating hibernation for six months....

People asked me what the main thing was that I learned from my challenge.  The honest answer is; I'm not very good at dating.

About a month ago, I decided I was ready for a new dating challenge.  I had also started working on my off time with Amy Stevens (aka the LDS Matchmaker) helping her host events.  At lunch one day, I asked her if she would be interested in helping me.  I decided that my new dating challenge would be focused on online dating.  Amy happens to have a package directed specifically at helping you with online dating.  I proposed that during my three month challenge, I would follow all of her guidelines and then blog about what worked and what didn't.  She agreed.

Later on at lunch, she got a smile on her face and said she had an even better idea.  They were introducing a brand new package and she wondered if I would be interested in trying that instead.  An all inclusive package with the countries leading Mormon matchmaker??  Heck yes I was interested!!

And I am now happy to introduce you to the LDS Matchmakers "Make It Happen Package".  Also known as "Barbie Needs Serious Dating Help" blog, or "I Don't Want to Adopt A Bunch of Cats and Name Them What I Was Going to Name My Unborn Children" blog.  Take your pick  ;)

What exactly does this package entail?  Well let me explain.

A 13 week comprehensive dating plan that includes;

*13 weekly customized sessions with a dating coach where they will focus on;
     Gender Intelligence
     Flirting Techniques
     Online Dating
     Relationship Advice
     Practice Dates
     Confidence Building and More!

*5 hours with an Image Adviser for personal styling/makeover.

*Online profile created by a professional writer.
     2 bonus sessions for online dating success

*Professional photos coordinated by the TLM Team

*8 weeks of their Online Dating Concierge and Matchmaking Services


Now a lot of people have told me that I don't need all of this.  Some of my friends have even flat out laughed at this (in a loving way) *cough cough Meghan cough cough*.  But scoff if you will.  I want a real relationship that will lead to marriage, and clearly I'm not doing so great on my own.

Why else does this program appeal to me?  I work a lot.  I have no complaints about that, my job is my life's passion and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  But due to the nature of my job, I literally only meet women all day, every day.  On the rare occasion a man comes into the store, he is either; the fiance, the married dad or the gay best friend.  Not exactly my best options.

As for church, I made the decision earlier this year to attend a family ward.  While this has done wonderful things for my spirituality, it hasn't really given me any options for dating.  Most of my Sundays are filled with me thinking "Oh he's cute.  Nope, wedding ring."  "He's cute too.  Married, 5 kids".  "He's cute too.  Crap, senior in high school.  Turn down the cougar Barbie".

Time for some exciting changes!  I hope you are all as excited for this dating journey as I am.  I will try to blog every week, and include some old and new dating stories.  And who knows, maybe this next year will have a special happily ever after  :)


And if you are interested in more information about any of the LDS Matchmakers services, visit her website http://www.theldsmatchmaker.com/ or ask me for details.