Secrets to Online Dating – Part 2

A few weeks ago I posted Part 1 of this series http://barbieannlove.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-secrets-to-online-dating-part-1.html  where we focused on photos.

Now let’s talk about the second most important part of your online profile, the “About Me” section.  The section where you have up to 1000 words to convince all those eligible singles how amazing you are and that they should propose to you immediately  J

There is a very delicate balance to this section.  Put too little and you seem uninterested, put too much and you seem like a crazy person.  So let’s go over some of the Do’s and Don’ts I have learned.

DON’T

Only put “I’m an open book.  Ask me what you want to know”.  This comes across as lazy and unwilling to put forth any effort (this is how they end up being in relationships too).

DON’T

Be too general.  Anyone can say “I like to eat out and go to the movies”.

DO

Give a little more detail that would give someone an easy way to start a conversation.  Instead of saying “I like to eat out”, you can say “I’m a big fan of Mexican food, the Red Iguana is one of my favorites”.  Or instead of “I like to go to the movies” you can say “I’m always up for a good action movie.  Anyone up for a Mission Impossible marathon?”.  What an easy way to transition into a conversation!  How simple is it to send a message saying “Red Iguana is my favorite too!  Which is your favorite kind of mole?”.

DON’T

Give a list of what you don’t want.  Example “Short guys need not apply” or “Only looking for a physically fit girl.  If you can’t run up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath, don’t bother”.  Both of these are real things I have seen on someone’s profile.  Yes, we all have things we really want in a partner, but putting them out in such a negative way makes you come across as extremely shallow.

DO

Keep things upbeat and positive.  Being too negative is a guaranteed way to have people pass you by.

DON’T

Talk about your ex or your divorce on your profile.  Things like “She left me and it wasn’t my fault” or “my ex was a cheating scumbag” do nothing but show you aren’t over your last relationship and clearly aren’t ready for dating yet.  This is an instant red flag for most people.

DO

Use grammar and punctuation!  One giant run on sentence is confusing.  Not being willing to spell out simple words like you (u) or are (r) make us assume you are an idiot.  Type out what you want to say in a Word doc first, check it for spelling.  Then have a friend look it over to make sure it makes sense.  A little double checking can go a long way!

DON’T

Make your profile too long.  I saw one once that was 9 paragraphs.  Nine.  People are looking for a general overview of who you are and if there are any common interests.  They do not want your life story, a poem you wrote, and your entire testimony.

DO

Talk about things you are passionate about.  Goals in life, hobbies that you would really love to have a partner join you in etc.

Hopefully these tips help you on your online dating journey.  And if you want all the secrets, contact the LDS Matchmaker for their online dating package.  It’s worth it!

www.theldsmatchmaker.com

Why Am I Single? The Question That Changed Everything…..

Why Am I Single?

This is a question that every single person has asked themselves, probably multiple times.  Most of the time it has a negative context, depression and wondering if marriage will ever happen and what we are doing wrong that is preventing it.

A few months ago I was asked this question, and everything changed.

I was in an appointment with my dating coach and she asked me the question.  My mind automatically went to the negative.  Am I not trying hard enough?  Am I not pretty enough?  What can I do to change?

Lauren looked at me and said “Do you think that if Heavenly Father wanted you to be married right now, that you would be?”

The question stopped me in my tracks.  I had to stop and think about it.  Did I truly believe that Heavenly Father would help marriage happen for me at the right time?  Yes, of course I did.

Lauren shared with me something she struggled with before she met her now husband, and the answer that she received.  Rather than praying for a spouse and to move onto that next step, she felt prompted to ask what she should be learning while she was single.  She knew she needed to shift her focus to helping other singles, it was one of her greatest strengths.

So she presented the question to me.  Why am I single?  But instead of thinking about what I’m doing wrong, she wants me to think about what I need to be learning.  What are things that Heavenly Father wants me to accomplish that I couldn’t if I was married?

Being single is not a punishment.  It is not a holding pattern where we wander aimlessly until we find a spouse and start that part of our lives.  This is a time where we can contribute so much to our communities, wards, and others. 

As soon as she got me thinking about this question in such a different way, everything changed for me.  I felt a peace that I have never known.  Of course I will still do everything I can to find that person, that is still extremely important.  But for the time being, I want to grow and become the person He wants me to be.

So I ask each of you, why are you single?





www.theldsmatchmaker.com

The Secrets to Online Dating - Part 1

One of the most beneficial things I have learned from working with the LDS Matchmaker is the secrets to online dating.  Some of the most important things I learned are trade secrets so you'll have to learn them straight from the experts, but I have a few things I can share.

PHOTOS

Whether it's ldsplanet.com, Tinder, or even just your Facebook profile, photos are incredibly important.  I'm not saying you need to look like a model, but you should at least be presentable.  Here is a list of some do's and don'ts to help.

DON'T
     Put photos in your profile where you are with someone else or a large group.
 If it's a member of the opposite sex (even a sibling) the first impression is that you are dating them.
 If it's a member of the same sex, there is a chance they will think your friend is hotter than you are.  If it's a group photo, it's hard to figure out which one you are.

DO
Have at least one full body photo.  Men are visual, and, like it or not, their attraction includes more than just your face.  Forcing them ask for it later down the road makes them come off as a creeper when the majority of the time they aren't.  Just put the full body photo up at the beginning.

DON'T
Have the "Dateline Pedophile" photo that's grainy and taken from a webcam on your computer in a poorly lit room.

DO
Trim your beard.  A lot of women love a man with a beard, but if it looks like small creatures are nesting in it, it's not very appealing.

DON'T
Only have photos of you that are more than 10 years old.

DO
Ladies - If you like to ski or snowboard, have a photo of this.  I don't know why, but it attracts men like moths to a flame.

DON'T
Only have photos of comic book characters.  There is nothing wrong with having a hobby, but when that's all you have or talk about, women assume you are creepy and live in your parents basement.

DO
Wear lipstick.  It sounds silly, but it makes a huge difference.

DON'T
Have photos of you out drinking at the bars if your profile claims you are looking for a nice LDS guy/girl.

DO
SMILE!  Yes the coy smirk can be cute for a photo, but if every single photo isn't a real smile, I will assume you have some seriously jacked up teeth.

DON'T
Take a photo of your drivers license photo.  Seriously, I don't want to say how many times I have seen this......

DO
Wear clothing that accents your figure.  No one says you have to be any certain size, but dress in a way that makes you feel great.

DON'T
Pose seductively on a fur rug or chaise lounge.  This is especially directed towards the men....

DO
Have photos of you doing your favorite hobbies (traveling, hiking etc).

DON'T
This is especially for the men.  Don't make every photo of you rock climbing, biking or generally anything that you are doing a cool activity, but you can't see your face.  One of those is fine, but let's be honest, you aren't Bear Grylls.

DO
Switch up your photos!  Every few weeks rotate the photos you have, it helps attract a whole new group of potentials  :)

DON'T
Have photos of you at the gym.  Unless your ultimate goal is to only date another gym rat, it just makes you look like a tool.

DO
Especially if you are a guy, post photos of you with puppies.  It's a sure fire win  :)

DON'T
Have photos of you with kids that aren't yours.  Yes, I get that you want to show everyone you can't wait to birth some babies, but it's more confusing than anything.

And as always, for help from the real experts, visit www.theldsmatchmaker.com 

They Aren't All Bad. In Fact, Most of Them Aren't

I like to get a laugh.  One of the easiest ways I have found to do this is by talking about my strange dating life.  With some of the experiences I have had, I have always found it is better to see the humor in it, rather than acknowledging the soul sucking existence being single in your 30's can be. Again I kid, it's really not that bad, really.

But it has come to my attention that by so frequently making light of my dates failures, I might be putting the wrong message out there.  And I think that's true.  So I wanted to clarify something very important.

There are way more amazing guys out there than weirdo's.  A LOT!!!

When I did my 100 date challenge in 2014, I had a few intentions in mind.  It's no secret, I wanted to fall in love.  I wanted to meet someone amazing, get married, maybe pop out some babies.  I knew it was a long shot, but wouldn't it be a great "How we met" story??  And at the very least, I would get some great stories about weird dates I went on.  Unfortunately, not much of either happened.

Something pretty amazing did happen.  As you have probably noticed, I don't have tons of stories from those dates.  Well at least not the kind of "Here's the latest weird crap in my life" stuff that I'm used to.  Instead, I met some pretty wonderful men.

No, I did not find the man I want to marry.  Sometimes I was into them, but they didn't feel the same.  Sometimes they were into me, but I didn't feel the same.

But these men I met were surprisingly, normal!  Intelligent, funny, spiritual, good guys.

Some examples;

They were all true gentleman.  One date not only opened my door, he offered his hand to help me get out of the car (I found this incredibly swoon worthy).  Part of our date was going to a game night at a friends house.  When we were getting ready to leave, he went and found my coat, helped me into it, and swept my hair from under the collar so it wouldn't be stuck in my jacket.  He was an incredibly genuine and kind man and it showed in everything he did.  *And because I know you will all ask, he didn't feel a spark which was fine.  He recently got married and is very happy :)

One man, who I lovingly refer to as "The Nerd", will always be one of my favorites.  Our dates were always filled with laughter and he was willing to put up with my bizarre adventures.  He was thoughtful, giving and loved his nerdy comic stuff (but in a charming way).  *It wasn't something that developed into anything more than friendship, but he is hands down one of the best men that I have ever met!  Ladies, he's still single.....

I could go on and on (I promise I will post more about these guys in the future).  I cannot believe what incredible men there are out there!

So while I do have some insane dating stories that I love to share, it doesn't mean that I think all guys are crazy.  Most aren't.  And I think guys get a bad wrap, but more about that another time....

Ladies, don't give up hope!  Good men are out there, but YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE!  Please, I beg you, go on a date, even if you don't think you are interested.  It doesn't hurt to have a fun evening with someone.  And on one of those dates, it's going to turn into something more.  I know it will for me  :)

Why I Need a Dating Coach aka my girl crush on Lauren....

It's no secret that I like to date.  I love meeting new people and seeing if we connect.  Even if there isn't anything romantic, most of the time I can get a new friend out of it.  Or if it's really bad, at least I got a really good story out of it.....and I have A LOT of those.

Dating is something in life I think all singles need to take advantage of.  Date a lot!  Even if you don't think it's a match, give it a shot.  Some of the best marriages I have ever seen, there wasn't an initial chemistry or attraction.  My personal rule is that unless you feel that you will be in personal danger, say yes to a first date.  I actually think you should say yes for three dates, but some people need baby steps ;)

But even though I have had more than my fair share of dates, I have only had 2 boyfriends.  Yep, 2.  I didn't even have my first boyfriend until I was 32.  I just wasn't good at turning dates into something more.

When I got the opportunity to work with the LDS Matchmaker last year, I jumped at the chance.  While all of her services have helped me, nothing even compares to the change I found from working with a dating coach.

I know a lot of you are asking "What the heck is a dating coach?".  Basically, it's a therapist you work with on your dating and relationship issues.  Her main goal is to figure out the road blocks so you can fall in love and find someone to spend your life with.

So why would anyone need a dating coach, especially me?  For me, I like to buy self help books.  Now let me clarify, I like to buy them.  I don't really like to read them.  I have a whole collection sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust, and the majority of them are about dating.

Books are great.  I love the smell of them, the feel of the paper.  These books are full of great advice and life changing information.  The bad part about books?  You aren't accountable to them.  Books aren't scheduling weekly meetings with you, asking questions and really getting to the root of the problem.  I needed more than a book.

Lauren (my dating coach) was exactly what I needed.  She not only listened to what I had to say, she listened to what I DIN'T have to say.  She figured out the true meaning behind my words, my insecurities.

And the best part, she called me out on my crap.  Anytime I said something that sounded good, but wasn't what I really meant, she would call BS on me so fast it would make your head spin.

I am a bit of a strong personality (putting it mildly) and she had no problem stepping up to the plate.  And I respected her for that.

Now don't get me wrong, she wasn't ever argumentative or abrasive.  She is kind, funny and truly has the best intentions for her clients.  She wants you to succeed!

I also had some of the most spiritual experiences during our sessions.  We both shed many tears talking about our love for the gospel and knowing Heavenly Fathers unwavering love for me.  She built my testimony in ways I had never imagined.

In our 13 sessions, she gave me weekly homework assignments.  Challenges that pushed me out of my comfort zone and really helped me grow.  She got me out of my own way from finding a truly meaningful relationship.

Last night was my last session with her, and it was incredibly bittersweet.  I will miss my weekly chats with the woman who I now consider my dear friend.  But much more than sadness, I left feeling nothing but hopeful.

In the next few months, I will be writing blog posts talking about some of the most life changing things I learned.  I want nothing more than to help all of my single friends find love, and keep it forever.

But if you really want to change your life, set up a consultation with the LDS Matchmaker.  What do you have to lose?  :)

http://www.theldsmatchmaker.com/

Falling In Love, With Me

In terms of self esteem, 2015 was a hard year for me.  When I confessed this to friends, they found it hard to believe.  Yes it’s true, I never seem to be lacking in self esteem, but after losing so much weight from my gastric bypass surgery, I started to gain some of it back.  People always want to know how it happened and the simple answer is that I started eating sugar again.  Anyone who tells you that fat makes you fat is full of crap, sugar makes you fat.  But anyway, that’s a rant for another time...

I wasn’t prepared for the toll gaining some weight back would take on my mind.  I had gained back a fraction of what I had lost, but I felt bigger than I had ever been.  And worst of all, I felt completely undesirable.  My depression and anxiety skyrocketed.  I pulled back from most social activities.  I wasn’t myself anymore.

I had to remind myself that I needed to love myself exactly as I was that moment.  Not if I lost 20 pounds.  I had to fall in love with me again, and that was going to take some work.

When the LDS Matchmaker presented me with their “Make It Happen Package”, I never imagined what an impact it would have on my life!  And one of the best parts was the professional photo shoot.

We all know how much better you feel when you have your hair and makeup done, and add to that some amazing photos by a fantastic photographer and you have one happy Barbie  J

My Dating Coach Lauren was also my stylist.  She took me to a few different stores and helped me put together some outfits.  While I can find you the perfect wedding dress, regular fashion just isn’t my thing.  I definitely needed her help.  I also had a work trip to Chicago coming up and these outfits went along perfectly!

The day of the shoot, the amazing Brittany Wilson did my makeup (resident matchmaker and stylist).  She even put some fancy fake eyelashes on me which made my eyes look incredible!

The photo shoot took place at the Salt Lake City Library, hands down one of my favorite places downtown.  Sami Johnson (Matchmaker extraordinaire) was there to help with anything I needed and to be my own personal cheerleader.  Seriously, every time I started having the thought “I probably look awful”,  out of nowhere she would shout out “You are such a hottie!!”.  It’s hard not to smile when you have someone encouraging you on.

The photos were taking by the insanely talented MJ Morgan, owner of “My Style Photography”.  His skill working with natural light makes my jaw drop, and to top it off, he’s an incredibly nice guy.  He’s mellow, inviting and gives great direction to make you look your absolute best.  He also didn’t mind when I gave him my input about poses or things I wanted in the background.

The experience was amazing!  A few days later he sent me all of the images and I chose my favorite 10 for him to edit.  Here are the final results, I love them!  

Seeing in photos that even though I have gained some weight, I am still beautiful.  It was exactly what I needed!

I am still working on getting my weight back to a more comfortable place for me, but in the meantime, I am falling in love with me again.  And that's a really great thing  :)

I can’t say enough good things about this experience.  I honestly think everyone should do it!  I use the photos for both business and personal (LOTS of online dating!).

Of course I recommend you set up an appointment and meet with the LDS Matchmaker http://www.theldsmatchmaker.com/  to see what packages she recommends, it’s worth it!

Just Because You're Single, Doesn't Mean You're Broken

Being single is great.

Being single is hard.

Being single is empowering.

Being single is heartbreaking.

All of these statements about being single are accurate.  Being single is not easy.  It has it's perks as well as it's challenges, it's highs and it's lows.

But being single does not make you broken.

Being an LDS woman in her 30's who has never been married is not very common, well unless you live in Utah and then there are literally thousands of women in the same situation.  But even with those thousands of other women, it is easy to feel alone, hopeless and constantly fighting the urge to adopt a large amount of cats and calling them your "babies".

You wonder if you will ever have children.  You start to imagine that monthly your eggs make a mass exodus because they know there isn't any use sticking around anyway.

You dote on your nieces and nephews because A) They are adorable,  B) May be as close as you ever get to having kids, and C) might be your only hope of family taking care of you when you are old and senile and not throwing you in a home.

Maybe these are all things only I think about, but I digress.....

It is so easy for us to see someone and know minimal facts about them and jump to a very simple conclusion (I know I have!).  Single, 30's, something must be wrong with them.

Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of strange people out there.  There are some people that I have met and within 5 minutes I can say "Oh yea, that's totally why you're single".  But in a land of probably 10,000 mid-singles, these strange ones are few and far between.

The vast majority of women (and men) are attractive, strong in the gospel, hard working and all around amazing people.  They are not broken, or damaged because they aren't married.

You have to remember that Heavenly Father has different timelines for everyone.

I have met so many women, incredible women, who truly think they must be broken.

Please, I beg you, stop thinking this way!

Some of us are meant to marry later in life.  Some of us aren't meant to marry at all.

Have faith in Heavenly Father's plan, including his timing.

And if you ever think you are broken because you are single, just remember Sherri Dew.  She is 62 and has never been married.  And I dare someone to call her broken  ;)