Dating Ideas

As promised, here is the list of date ideas I have come up over the last two years, there are over 300 on the list.  Most are inexpensive if not free.  Some of them pertain to places in Denver.  Please feel free to share this post with anyone you like!  HAPPY DATING!!!

Go to a driving range

Adult Slip N Slide.  Get a giant tarp, a hose, and a gallon of heavy duty dish washing soap. Wet the tarp with warm water (don't want your date freezing) add soap. Spread throughout the tarp so it's nice and sudsy..take a few steps back, run and slide.

Roller blading

Have a fight with canned whip cream! Make sure your date doesn't have nice of clothes on.

Build a snowman Have a snowball fight

Make a raft and try floating on calm rivers/lakes (use life jackets and check local laws)

Sledding

Go to the Zoo

Picnic in the park

Ice Blocking

Mini date - make everything mini. Go mini golfing, make mini pizzas, make mini s'mores (golden grahams, chocolate chips and mini marshmallows) on a mini campfire, or add in other 'mini' activities.

Carve a pumpkin or a watermellon

Sock puppet show

Style your girl/boy friends hair! If you feel really crazy, put makeup on them!

Go on a hellicopter ride

Miniature Golf

Laser Tag

Take a kick boxing class

Visit a Pet Store

Aquarium (Make sure to feed the sting rays!)

Scavenger Hunt

Fly Kites

Set up an obstacle course in a local park and have a tournament

Shaving cream art on the table - prize for best picture

Take picture of people with an instant camera and give them the photos.

Play "Minute to Win It"

Make outfits for each other out of newspaper then have a fashion show

Set up a tent in your front room – eat dinner on a blanket.  Roast marshmallows over a candle

Ride Go-Carts

Go to an Arcade

Go night skiing

Go to a car show

Go Bowling – try getting bumpers and playing for the lowest score, or playing with only your non-dominant hand

Rent a paddle boat or canoe

Watch the stars with a telescope

Build and fly a model rocket

Go Boating

Go Paintballing

Go cliff jumping – or jump of a local bridge (be extremely careful)

Go to an IMAX movie

Karaoke

Explore a cave

Go to a water park

Paint-your-own pottery place

Canvas and cocktails (you don't have to drink)

Go listen to a local band

Water balloon volleyball  - Directions: Several couples stand on each side of a volleyball net.  Each couple holds a towel stretched between them.  Throw and catch the water balloon using only the towels.

Rock Climbing

Hire a chef to come and teach you to make a meal

Go to a race track

Have a pirate theme date—Everyone dresses up like pirates, then you follow a map to buried treasure.  Directions: prep for the date by creating a treasure (maybe cookies, candy, or a fun game).  Hide the treasure and draw a treasure map, with fun clues that lead you to your destination.

Watch a movie outside with a projector and a sheet

Paint each others faces—Use water based paint or washable markers to make your date look wonderful, then go out in public to show the world your new look.

Go to a comedy club—look for a local group, there are a lot of fun comedy groups especially at local universities. (check in advance to make sure it is a family friendly show)

Have a cookie-baking contest.  Directions: each couple chooses a recipe -- go to the store and have fun finding all the items you need, then return home and bake the cookies (play games or watch a movie while they bake).  Try each other’s cookies and have someone outside of your group choose a winner.

Go to a local science center

Have a costume date—this can be a lot of fun when you go to see a movie—dress up like the characters in the movie.

Tie-dye t-shirts

You can bake some cakes then put on some blindfolds and decorate them with icing. Try to do some cool designs

Scavenger Hunt- Double date, make scavenger hunt for the other couple. It could be something done just in a mall (buying certain food, or finding something in the mall, or something bigger that requires driving around to complete tasks. Requires some prep, but it's fun.

School sporting events, usually pretty cheap to get into and school spirit is usually decently high.

See the Christmas lights at the zoo

A Night in Paris (or Rome…) Without Leaving Home - You decorate your apartment like a restaurant in a foreign country. Make it cheesy as possible while keeping it looking nice. Decorating is easy, use construction paper and cheap things you find at Michaels or something. Cheap and quick. Then you have a friend dress up like a waiter and speak in the accent of that country. Cook the themed food yourself and then have you friend “wait” on you two. He can buzz off after the food is served. It shows off your cooking skills, your romantic side, your sense of humor and your creativity.

Go Geocaching

Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras

Volunteer at a Rescue Mission or Nursing Home

Go to a farmers market and buy all of the food for your meal

Love in the Great Outdoors - Make foil dinners and take drinks and s’mores to your favorite hiking/camping place.  Keep your drinks cold in the lake/creek-bonus if you bring a watermelon and cool it off the same way for a snack).  Spend the evening skipping rocks, and exploring before you build a nice fire and cook your meals in the coals. Spend some time by the fire making s’mores and then find some place nice to watch the stars.  Key point here: making fire to win the affection of a beautiful girl is in our DNA! Bonus if you collect your own wood (bring a hatchet and make sure its legal) and light the fire with flint and steel without any propellant! If you use friction, even better!

Playground date - play on the swings, slides etc

Picnic - choose a creative location.  A skyscraper rooftop is preferable, but a greenhouse, library, or art museum are fantastic options if you have the connections to make it happen.  Or even on the roof of your house.

Dress up as superheros and stop at least one petty crime "ie. jaywalking, littering…."

Go on a walking journey and every fifteen feet draw a chalk arrow in the direction you’re going. At the end of the trip, leave a big pile of chalk.

Take a walking tour of a historic part of downtown

Firefighters Museum - so fun, and they have clothes you can dress up in!

Progressive dinner - go to a different restaurant for appetizers, dinner and dessert

Make dessert - bring a recipe card and take her to the store to buy the ingredients together then head home to make it together.

Dance in your living room - push back all the furniture and make sure to have a prepared cd of music

Hike the Manitou Incline

Watch the sunrise at Red Rocks

Go to the symphony

Early morning hike - leave before the sun comes up, take a camper grill and make breakfast while you watch the sunrise

Watch a meteor shower - Get a book from your local library and learn some of the constellations so while you’re waiting for the shower to start you can point them out to impress your date.

Go to the Planetarium

Go to an orchard - pick some fruit and sit on a blanket

Go to a dance studio for dance lessons

Park your truck overlooking a lake, sit on the bed and serenade her while you play the guitar

Ice Fishing - Bring plenty of snacks and hot cocoa, make sure the fish shack is warm, and bring along soft music that she likes. Make sure you give HER more attention than the fish, no matter how well they’re biting!

Go to "First Friday" - the first Friday of each month, the art galeries on Santa Fe open for free

Clothes pinning - Directions: double date, each couple gets a bag of clothes pins. Go to a highly populated like the mall or Wal-mart. Objective is to get rid of all your clothes pins before the other couple. You do this by putting the clothes pins on random people at the mall. You cannot let anyone see you do it and the person you are pinning cannot know! And you are not allowed to put more than one clothes pin on a person. It makes the date daring and hilarious!

Draw with sidewalk chalk

Make a movie together—find odd props around the house, then come up with a funny scenario to act out.

Have a backwards date and do everything backwards from what you normally do on a date.

With a camera and a pair of boots, make a photolog of a day in the life of an invisible man.

Find a little stream or small river and make boats out of aluminum foil then race them! Bet little things for the winner, such as "if my boat wins you have to hold my hand" or "if my boat wins you have to show me your favorite childhood park" its fun, creative, and competative.

Speak with funny accents and go around town asking for directions to places that don't exist.

Makeovers.  Your date makes you look "pretty". And you make your date look "pretty". And take picture and send the pics to your best friend who decides who looks "prettier".

Go to a fast food restaurant and make sculptures out of french fries.  Have the employees judge which is best.

Dress in all black - buy window paint and go around town drawing funny pictures on your friends cars.

Go for a drive. You can only make right-hand turns. When you finally get stuck, turn around and then you can only make left-hand turns. Repeat until you find something interesting. Take pictures along the way!

Pretend you’ve never met, then loudly try out lame pickup lines in a swanky bar. Act like they worked.

Buy flowers and give them to random people on the street who look like they need a “pick-me-up”

Marshmallow toss - You and your date have to throw marshmallows into each others mouths, gettign further and further apart.  The couple that goes the furthest wins.

Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen.

Go to a restaurant and convince the cook to create something completely new for you. Put a shower cap on each person, the cool whip or shaving cream on top of that.  Stand at least 10 feet apart and throw cheese puffs at each others head.  Whichever team has the most stuck at the end is the winner!

Get a raft and put it in a pool. Everyone get on the raft and watch “Jaws” projected on the side of the house.

Build something out of Lego's

Have a Green Eggs and Ham date! Prepare a ham covered with green dyed baste on it and green colored eggs and each person or couple bring a favorite Dr. Seuss book with of course "Green Eggs and Ham" being read.

Go out with some clip boards and do a survey in a public place. Use funny questions about how many times people brush their teeth and what they had for dinner.

Play with play-dough

Cartoon date: Meet at 9am and watch cartoons while eating your favorite kids cereal...must be in your pajamas.

Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn

Go panning for gold in a river. Wear a funny hat and act like you really need to find some.

Go to a restaurant—just order appetizers

Go on a scavenger hunt in your neighborhood to find all the ingredients you need to make cookies. When the cookies are made, take them to a mutual friend or maybe a grandparent.

Go "people watching" at the mall—it can be fun to just sit and talk.

Go for a bike ride in your neighborhood—maybe find a tandem bicycle to borrow or rent.

Go to the park and feed the birds

Go to random spots in your hometown and take pictures - Be creative and this date can be a lot of fun.

Go to your local animal shelter and play with the animals

Have a "Bring your own topping" waffle party—assign each group member to bring his or her favorite waffle toppings

Go bird watching

Make homemade ice cream together

Make Cupcakes together - Decorate them with icing, sprinkles, or anything

Go to the butterfly pavilion

Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.

Lay trash bags on the floor and eat spaghetti together with your hands.

Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever.  Casa Bonita is always a good option  :)

Find inner tubes and float down a nearby river

Get a role of quarters and have a contest to see who can get the best and most creative item from the 25cent machines

Go to the thrift store with 5 dollars; have a contest to see who can get the best item

Go to Goodwill and by clothing for each other.  You both have to wear it on the rest of the date

Dress up as pirates and go parrot shopping at local pet stores

Color pictures together—find a fun coloring book or print coloring book pages off of the Internet

Finger Painting - paint portraits of each other

Blind folded miniature golf

Three legged miniature golf

Go to garage sales on a Saturday morning

Build a fort together out of blankets and furniture

Go to a bookstore and leave notes for future readers in your favorite books

Take a trip to your local hobby shop – pick out a project to work on for the afternoon—maybe build a boat, or a rocket, something that you can play with!

Make-Your-Own Pizza

Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.

Play the game “Bigger or Better” - Directions: Each couple starts with something small—go door to door in your neighborhood asking people to triad you for something bigger or better than the item. At the end of a specified amount of time, gather together as a group and vote on who got the biggest and best item.

Go on a nature walk and pick up garbage on the way, give a prize for the strangest item found

Read a book together—Choose your favorite childhood story and read aloud

Put on a play – choose a popular story from literature, or a movie

Go on a “Video Scavenger Hunt” - Directions: Each team has a video camera and a list of scenarios to get footage of -- Here are a few possible ideas: Interview a complete stranger about something random, find a random stranger and greet them like an old friend, pretend to know them from somewhere, stage a “break up”, yell at each other and draw lots of attention, try on clothing for the opposite sex. As you can tell, this can be a ton of fun, especially when you go back and watch your footage.

Write a song together

Build a sand castle—this could be at the beach, or even in a sand box

Make your own drive in movie! Borrow or rent a projector and watch a movie in your backyard, or set your TV up in the garage and watch your favorite movies from inside your car.

Wii Olympics -- get a group together and have a competition using Wii Sports

Glow sticks in the park

Build something together with legos or lincoln Logs

Have a Fondue party

Play dress up—be sure to take lots of pictures

Go to the art museum

Make life lists together—all the things you want to do before you die - Be creative and help your date come up with some fun things.

Have a Marshmallow eating contest -- see who in the group can fit the most mallows in their mouth!

Go look at some model homes (they tend to have fresh cookies and soda there)

Reverse Trick-or-Treating - Directions: Dress up in your Halloween costume (any time of year) and walk around town with your date knocking on doors. Instead of asking for trick-or-treats, bring treats of your own to hand out.

Play live Clue—This one requires some creativity - Directions: Hand out clues to each individual in the group (location, weapon, killer etc..) ask each other questions to determine the killer. This can be a lot of fun but requires some creativity and preparation.

Have a “LAN Party”—a computer game night with everyone playing at the same place.

Go to ChuckeCheese

Frisbee in the dark with glow sticks and a light up frisbee

Pick a culture of the world and imitate with food, activities, and clothes to match.

Go to an air show

Make your date decide - Directions: make it mysterious for your date--take your ideas to them throughout the week, tell them to just answer the random questions you ask them. For example: red or white (color of flower you bring) fast or slow ( fast food or sit down restaurant) hot or cold (Ice Cream or hot cocoa) - Anything will work. You ask them during the week then during the date reveal to them what they decided. It's quirky and cute but fun.

Play paint twister. Make a twister mat using some old plastic (like a tablecloth)-- except put paint where the colored dots would be.

Have a fancy dinner consisting of breakfast cereal.  Its funner if they see the fancy setting before they know what's on the menu.

Go to a shooting range

Spend $5 on each other at a thrift store

Visit the sand dunes

Have a paint war. Get large bath sponges and cut them into baseball size sponges then dip them in buckets of washable paint and go crazy.

Kidnapping - this can be fun when done by boy Or girl. A group of guys or girls go out and kidnap their dates, blind fold them, the whole shabang. Then surprise them by taking them to a cute picnic at the park. Fun if it's with a group or can be a cute romantic single date.

Play spoons

Survivor date- double date, select several activities such as a game, puzzles, eating contest etc... and have competition with the other couple to see who is better. You can also play it so that the loser buys desserts. Makes it more interesting.

Make a list of outrageous things on a Bingo card like mullets, scrunchies, spandex pants and hiking boots, etc and walk around Wal Mart trying to find people sporting the items on your bingo cards.

Build paper airplanes and shoot them down with shotguns.

Go to the park and have a picnic. But to mix it up a little have one of your friends come and dance for you (ribbon dancing is always good). It is quite the sight!

Build and shoot a potato gun

Eat lunch in the middle of a round-a-bout. Bring a blanket and a basket, have fun, and watch peoples faces as they circle you

Play hide-and-seek with multiple couples in walmart

Get an easy-to-operate remote-control plane, go to a park and take turns trying to avoid the trees.

Play a card game

Take a hayride.

Skip rocks at night - Find some good skipping rocks, buy some glow sticks, and go to a lake. Take a plastic bag and put the rocks in the bag -- break the glow sticks open and pour them into the bag with the rocks -- mix it around.  Then skip the rocks and see them glowing as they skip across the water.

Donate blood together

Go with your date to a movie one night with a big group of friends. Although instead of staying and watcing the movie you and you'r date ditch the rest and go for a walk. Find somewhere calm and quite that would be a great place to be alone. You will of had preset a blanket and a picnic basket at this place all ready for you and your date's arrivial. Inside the basket should be pizza that you asked to be cut in the shape of a heart and something to drink (simple stuff be creative). You and you'r date will have a great time under the stars cuddled up on a blanket and afterword you'r date will have a fantastic story to tell to their friends who were wondering where in the world you two went.

Go to a party store or a costume store and buy some crazy hats and fake mustaches. Anything to make you look goofy. Then take on a fake accent and a name and go out to a public place and eat. Tell random stories and make yourself look outrageous but not obnoxious.

Go to IKEA

Find one of those old small self-power boats with the bike peddles & have a picnic over water while you watch the sunset or rise.

Go horseback riding

Drive to places you have memories and share them. It's a good way to get to know each other and make memories of your own

Go get ice cream

Ride a trolley or train

Grab some good books and climb a tree or find a tree house to read with your date.

Map out a long bike ride through a local park.

Take a roll of pennies to a fountain and make wishes out loud as you throw them in.

Build a bonfire

Dance in the rain

Map out a long bike ride through a local park.

Take a test drive of a fun sports car

Hike to see waterfalls - 7 falls is great at night

Sneak into a ritzy hotel and go swimming in their pool

Gather pictures and make a scrap book together

Visit a nearby landmark

Go to an antique store and see who can find the most random item

Do a jigsaw puzzle together

Stop at a fancy bakery and pick out a treat each — for each other.

Walk your dog(s)—or borrow a neighbor's dog

Lie in the grass and find shapes in the clouds

Go to an airport and watch the planes take off and land

Write a poem together

Climb a tree together

Play with fireworks

Go ice skating

Read a book together by the fire

Put a love sac in the back of a truck and head up a mountain or out in the open under the stars--watch a movie, or just stare at the stars

Indoor rock climbing

Have a dessert picnic at midnight on a starry hill overlooking the city

Find a building/apartment complex that will let you get on the roof and have a candlelight dinner.

Drive and look at Christmas lights

Go hiking

Try to hit things with a sling shot

Make chocolate or candy by candlelght

Teamwork finger painting. You be the artist, your date can be the brush or vise-versa.

Go exploring with your date to find the coolest building in town. Then you can take a tour

Take a carriage ride downtown

Go walking in the rain...jump in mud puddles

Reverse roles and try to imitate each other's mannerisms and habits.

Walk on the beach 'til the sun goes down

Take a one time cooking class together

Pitch black date - fix up a room in your house so that no light can get in. set up everything you need for a date( table, plates, food, chairs, ect).  Use your other senses to enjoy your meal.

Write a letter, put it in an air-tight bottle and throw it into the ocean or a lake or even a river.

Go look for luck by hunting for some four-leaf clovers

Play “Tackle Football” - ON YOUR KNEES

Go on a nature hike

Watch the sunrise/sunset

Play frisbee golf

Mud volleyball

Play your favorite sport together

Get a group of friends together and have each person share four things about themselves. Three of the situations should be true and one should be a lie. Have everyone determine which are true and which is the lie. This is a great way to get to know people better.

Play capture-the-flag or hide-and-seek in a park

Play croquet at a park

Go to a rollerskating rink

Go fishing

Wash each others cars

Find a muddy area, dress in old clothing and have a mud fight.

Plant something together—A tree, flowers, vegetables…

Have a water balloon fight

Go to the library or a book store and find books with tongue twisters, puzzles, I-Spy, etc. - Then find a park and spend some time reading to eachother.

Set up a lemonade stand

Have a Tin-foil dinners...cookout

Go to the park, feed the ducks, play on ALL the toys

Dodge sprinklers on the public golf course or public park and see who can stay the driest.

Have a pie fight with lots of pies made in advance. Surprise your date when you throw the first pie!

Hold a kiss for one elevator ride.

Picture scavenger hunt- Double date, split into couples and take pictures (within a defined area) and then swap cameras with the other couple and see who can be the first to find where the pictures were taken and imitate them.

Go to a lake and dance on the dock.

Have a poker tournament but instead of betting money do it with something fun and random like candy or cookies.

Have an indoor unbirthday party. Watch the scene from Alice in Wonderland with the mad hatter and do everything they do! Go to the thrift store or dollar store give everyone a specified amount of money and then buy unbirthday presents for each other. Then head back to someones house where you watch that scene from the movie and sing "Merry Unbirthday" exchange gifts and eat cake and other good food.

Write a book together

Play childrens boardgames like Candyland

Divide your friends into two groups. Each group will need a vehicle, rocking chair, and a video camera. Give each group a set amount of time to take their rocking chair to as many unusual locations as possible. Videotape each location with all of the group and the rocking chair. When the two groups get back together, have fun sharing your videos of your rocking experience.

Tour Historical Buildings

Play Pool

Play Guitar Hero or Rock Band

Take a ride in a hot air balloon

Go to a park and play a casual game of frisbee

Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.

Play foosball

Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.

Free factory tours

Play ping pong

Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things

Walk through the library or a bookstore—Find a corner to sit and read a children’s book together

Story time—take turns recording pieces of a story - Directions: One person starts recording a story, while the other leaves the room, ending their segment with “and then…”  the other person picks up telling the next part of the story, and ends their segment with “and then…”  this continues until someone decides to tell “The end”

Go for a drive with the passenger blindfolded, choosing directions at random.  See where you end up

Dress up as pirates, commandeer shopping carts, and have a war upon the high seas.. er, parking lot.

Volunteer together at the local animal shelter

Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence.

Order Chinese, then eat it on the floor

Pots & Pans Dinner: Set a table with pans instead of plates, and spatulas instead of forks, etc. Put a sheet over the table to hide the utensils. Have the couples come in and pick a seat, since they won’t know what’s going on. Serve spaghetti. Serve drinks in vases.

Get a bunch of random toppings (like peanut butter, sardines, candy, ect), and have pizza crusts pre-made. Then put the toppings on the pizza. Then switch pizzas and whoever can get a slice of the pizza down first wins!

Go swimming

Make duct tape creations! Wallets, bags, ANYTHING! Be as creative as you can and be sure to buy the colored Duck brand duct tape! Youtube has lots of tutorials for duct tape things.

Head to the highest point in town. Spend an early evening watching the twinkling lights turn on.

For an indoor date, turn off the volume to a movie, assign group members different roles, and make up the words. It works best if no one has ever seen the movie...

Make a time capsule to put in a park or just your own backyard full of pictures and objects that represent your relationship and then dig it up for a big anniversary.

Watch a roller derby game

Do some service. Rake leaves, plant flowers for a neighbor, shovel snow on all the walks of a given street... etc.

Make dinner together

Get plain white pillow cases and paint and create your own pillow cases

Go to a public place, like starbucks, and just hang out and talk

Draw pictures of each other... show off that artsy side

Play UNO in the middle of a public place

Describe your life in pictures by cutting them out of magazines or make up a story from the pictures

Dollar date - Directions: start with a main dish (like pizza) then go to the store and give each person $1.  Each person chooses something (for a dollar or less) to have with your main dish.

Have a coupon date – go through the local newspaper together and find coupons to use on your cheap date

Make Tee Shirts – start with some blank white or collared tees, then get creative with sharpies and paint.

Find a good service project or volunteer activity in your area

Build something together out of play dough

Go to Wal-Mart or Target late at night and play with the toys

Blindfold your date for a surprise dinner and take them to McDonalds. Only, make your table really fancy with a tablecloth, nice dishes and cups, etc. Craft your own fancy menu and enlist your roommates or younger siblings to be your servers.

Fire up the grill for burgers and sticky s'mores.

Go to a sports event

Make bleach T-Shirts.  Bring a plain solid color shirt.  Cut out designs from construction paper and lay them on the shirt.  In a spray bottle, mix half water and half bleach.  Mist the mixture over the shirt and let dry.

Run thru the sprinklers

Go To Mcdonalds And Order Random Food. Then Put Blindfolds On Eachother And Guess What The Food You Randomly Ordered Food Is.

Handmake cards and drop them off to random neighbors in the area. They can say things like "rose are red, violets are blue, you don't me and I don't know you! Have a great day anyway!" or put a funny joke in them. Using crayons to disguise your age is another fun twist. See just how childish you can make them look. Then go drop them off on front steps around a neighborhood. A small offering of candy or cookies is always a good way to pin the card to the doorstep so it doesn't fly away.

Go to an open mic poetry night

Have a scary movie marathon....or just a movie marathon. you could pick a certan actor or actress and watch a BUNCH of movies with them in it.. old and new!

Load up on pads of sticky notes and colored markers. Then make a trip to the mall or a fairly crowded place where you can stick up notes of funny sayings or just random words anywhere and everywhere! Its fun to see the reactions of others when they see them.

Go on a walk thru a park

Go to the Botanic Gardens

Play night games with a big group. like capture the flag, kick the can, touch the tree, ghost in the graveyard. etc.

Choose 5 or 10 ideas, put them in a bag, and then have your date draw one of them

Sculpt whole blocks of IceCream. Add toppings to make it more detailed and make sure the Ice Cream is well frozen.

Go out for pizza — ask them to cut the pie into the shape of a heart

Pick a TV show, get a season's worth on DVD and make a running date to watch it together every night.

Try brunch and a matinee; fancy restaurants are way more affordable in the a.m.

Go to a drive-in movie

Feed the ducks

Go to a Jazz club

Invite several friends over. Divide into two groups and provide both groups with the identical jigsaw puzzle. The group that finishes first or has the most pieces in place at the specified time is declared the winner and is treated to dessert by the other group.

Make a finger-foods-only dinner

Take turns singing cheesy out-of-tune ballads at karaoke.oddcast.com or free karaoke.com

Make yourselves the biggest, craziest ice cream sundae ever.

Dress up your backyard picnic table with a white tablecloth. Add candles, fancy cheese, chocolate and voilà: five-star fun

Make a mixed tape or CD together

Do a crossword puzzle together

Bring home your favorite fast food, but serve it on your best china

Free day at the museum - it's normally the first Saturday of the month

Take a sketchpad to a scenic bluff and draw your own version of the vista

Go to a batting cage

Grab a basketball and hit the free courts at the park

Sample international food at a street fair

Go to the library and page through the coffee-table art books

Go to an art gallery opening

Why Aren't People Dating???

Why Aren’t People Dating???

I’m sure it has become obvious by my past blog posts that I am kind of opinionated about dating.  And this post will not be an exception  :)

One of the things I have noticed (at least in Colorado, not sure about Utah yet) is that the majority of people aren’t dating.  And I don’t just mean there are a lot of girls who weren’t being asked out (even though that is a HUGE problem, but more on that later) but the majority of guys I knew weren’t going on a date for sometimes months at a time.  This was becoming a widespread phenomenon, I saw it across the Denver metro area.  It became enough of a concern to me, that I asked our branch president if I could give a lesson in Elders Quorum about dating.  I figure if he wasn’t going to make me EQP, then I could at least teach  ;)  

I started asking people as much as I could, trying to figure out what the problem was.  Here is what I found.  And of course, I’ll give my advice on how to change it  :)

And let me clarify upfront, girls are just as much at fault with this as the guys are.

“They read too much into a first date”

This is probably the number one reason I have heard from guys why they aren’t asking more girls on dates.  They worry that if they ask someone out casually, the girl will fall madly in love with them and assume they are now in a committed relationship and just days away from a proposal.

Is this true?  Yes and No.  We should all be dating, frequently.  But there are a lot of girls I know, attractive, smart, spiritual women, who have not been asked out on a date for over a year.  When that happens, if a guy asks you out, it is only natural to be excited (not saying you wouldn’t be excited about any date with someone you are interested in).  Most girls I know are more than aware the this is just a first date.  Only on rare occurrences (with very unique people) do they ever take it to the extreme.  

Solution?  Go on more dates!  In my opinion, if you are an able bodied male, you should be going on at least two dates a month, minimum!  Honestly, I think you should be going on a date a week, but let’s start with two a month.  If girls were getting asked out more frequently, then it would be even easier for us to learn that a first date is just that, a first date.  First dates should not be a big deal.  It’s a chance to see if you have a spark with someone.  The real test is if a second date happens.  And if it doesn’t, that’s fine!

If you are really worried she will take it too seriously, make it a double or a group date.  Keep it casual.  If she knows you date frequently, she is less likely to read too much into it.  Maybe you will find out you have a spark that you didn’t expect.  And if not, hopefully you have made a new friend.

My dear friend Steve Hodson is the master at first dates.  He is able to date frequently, while still making the date fun, not leading you on, but making you feel incredibly special.  Seriously guys, you all need to take notes from him.  In fact, I asked him to write a little something  :)

Let’s impart on the wise words of the elders in my family: Mommy and Daddy Hodson. They remember back in the day, when Abraham was dating Sarah, that when a couple was officially a “boyfriend/girlfriend” combination, they were labeled as “going together.” And for a couple to hit the “going together” status, they had to date to do so. So chew on this for a moment…chew…keep chewing…swallow…digest…ok I’ll stop there.

Somehow, as we have passed through the generations, the idea of dating has been a little skewed. “Dating” has turned into a word that implies a lot of commitment, the planning of your future children’s names, and how many pickets you want on your white fence in front of your little cottage in the woods. I can understand why “dating” has turned into this, because usually, people date before they get married. Odd, right? Dating believe it or not, can be a good tool to help you to make a new friend.

Usually, when you meet a girl or guy for the first time, it is at some social event, where the bass is thumping and the chips and bean dip flow like water. Odds are that there is more than one person who wants to talk to you and the girl or guy that you met at said shindig. To get to know a person better, take it away from the party, and go on a date some other time, when you can have their full attention, and they can have yours. But fear not! This is no promise ring! You can go into the date, for the purpose of making a new friend!

I have noticed more times than not, when I try to be Dr. Romance on a date, I crash and burn. I’m not myself, and my date goes to the door feeling awkward and just wanting the misery to end! But when I do the opposite, when I’m myself, and when I truly just want to make a new friend, the date goes so much smoother. Do something that, if it doesn’t work out, won’t cause your wallet to be crying because of a failed date. Make it cheap and joyful. Then if there is no real romantic spark, then crap! You just made a new friend that you had fun with! Gah! Having friends is so terrible right?! Wait! This just in: having friends is actually totally awesome.

I understand that dating is how we are supposed to find our other half, but answer me this one thing. Isn’t your other half, supposed to be one of your dearest friends? So go out and make some friends that you can have for the rest of your life. There are no hurt feelings in the end if BOTH people go into a date with that mind set. If it goes somewhere further, then that is glorious. If not, then you just made another connection with a wonderful person.

In the musical, Fiddler on the Roof, there is a line that says, “Even a tailor is entitled to a little bit of happiness.” I believe the same for everyone! Everyone is entitled to a piece of the happiness pie. You could change a life by asking a girl on a date who hasn’t been on one for a while, or make a day brighter by saying yes to a guy who is scared out of his mind to ask a girl on a date. Help someone enjoy themselves, and find some happiness in life.
Merry dating everyone! I hope that one day, you can “go together” and find a best friend in the process. 

Awww, isn’t he just great??  And before you ask why he and I aren’t dating, it’s because we both realized that our amazing friendship is as far as it will go.  But he is definitely the standard I hold other guys up to.  Anyway, moving on...

“If I date too much, I will get the reputation as a player”

Most guys I tell to date more, come back with this response.

Is this true?  No, but only if you realize a simple fact.  You will only get the reputation of a player if you kiss all of the girls you date!  

Solution?  Keep the kisses for the girls you are exclusive with (and have had a DTR with).  You’ll be just fine if you aren’t a lip whore with everyone in town  :)  Oh and the same goes for “cuddle whores”.  Yes, cuddling is really fun, but there isn’t any reason to do it with everyone, especially someone you aren’t interested in pursuing.  It’s a clear way to lead someone on and give mixed signals.

“I won’t date girls in my ward because if it doesn’t work out, it is too awkward”

Is it true?  Sometimes.  This goes back to the whole “it’s just a date” mentality we should all have.  If you go out with someone once and the spark isn’t there, this shouldn’t be a big deal.  But this goes for guys and girls.  Guys, if you aren’t interested in going out with her again, there is no reason to avoid any place she will be, or pretend she doesn’t exist.  Ladies, if you are interested, don’t be a “leg humper”.  If you haven’t heard from him since your date, remember to let him pursue you!  Don’t be texting or calling him, or showing up at places you think he might be just to “run into each other”.  Have self respect and know that you are worth being pursued.  I also highly recommend reading “He’s Just Not That Into You”, this will give you a ton of insight into dating.

Guys - you can also be the problem.  If you have been on more than two dates with someone and have decided you just want to be friends, tell her!  It doesn’t have to be a big ordeal, it can even be over text (some girls might disagree, but in my opinion if there wasn’t a commitment, there is no reason that a face to face is a requirement).  If you pull the disappearing and avoiding act, that makes everything awkward, not to mention makes us feel like crap.  But most of all, it shows other girls that you aren’t man enough to just clear the air.

“Dating that much gets too expensive”

I can see where this would be true.  Most standard first dates are dinner followed by some sort of activity etc.  If you do this every week, it starts to add up.

The solution?  Dates don’t have to be expensive, or even cost anything at all!  Most girls prefer a creative date (that doesn’t have to cost more than $5!) than a fancy dinner out.  Knowing that you put time and energy planning something scores huge points with us.  Over the past few years, I have compiled a list of over 300 fun, inexpensive date ideas.  I’ll post it on my blog later this week.

Side note.  Some people expect a “marathon” first date.  There is no reason your date has to last for hours and include multiple activities.  A simple dinner is a good way to see if there is mutual interest to go out a second time.  But also remember that “hanging out” is not a date!

“I’ve been turned down too many times”

This is something that annoys me.  Ladies, unless you feel like he could possibly cause you physical harm, you should not be turning down a first date, period.  It takes a lot of courage to approach someone and ask them on a date.  I don’t care if you aren’t interested in them, you should say yes.  It’s the same thing I tell the guys, you never know who you are going to have a connection with unless you give them a chance!  And if there isn’t a spark, hopefully you have made a new friend.  

So get out there and get dating!  Guys, you are awesome and are doing a disservice to all these women by not giving them a chance to get to know you better.  Love ya  :)

The Nice Guy: What You’re Doing Wrong

One of the complaints I hear a lot in dating is how a lot of guys say they never get the girl because they are the “Nice Guy”.  Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome ) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t seem to care about her much at all?    When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or “brother” or have as much sexual attraction to you as say a lamp, rather than a romantic interest?

I’ve done a lot of thinking about this and have decided to give my take on it.  Just a warning, I am about as subtle as a sledge hammer at times and I plan on giving it to you straight  J 

*Disclaimer, I found a lot of great articles online that I took some lines from.  But all the awesome lines, those are all me, haha  J

Always doing what she wants to do, because you think it’s what she wants -

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I go on a date with a guy and the first thing he asks is “What do you want to do?”.  You are the man and asked me out, plan the date!  Take command without being pushy.  Maybe ask me ahead of time if there is something I would like or hate to do, or if there is a kind of food I love or hate.  It’s also good if you come into it with two options.  Instead of putting it all on her, say “I made two reservations.  One at an Italian place, one at seafood.  Which would you prefer?”.  By not planning ahead, it makes you come of as indecisive and unreliable, two things that you never want to be.  Planning ahead shows that you are in control (which is hot) but still caring about what will make us happy.

Steer clear of saying yes to anything and everything she suggests.  If she wants you to go shopping with her all the time and you end up holding her purse, bored out of your mind, stop saying yes!  If she asks and you really don’t want to go, it’s ok to say “You know, shopping just isn’t my thing”.  But if you are interested in going out with her, follow it up with “But what if I took you to that play you’ve been wanting to see tomorrow night?”.  This way you show that you are interested in dating her, but making it clear you are not her gay shopping buddy.

Also, don’t always blow off your friends every time she calls last minute.  Most girls won’t go out with a guy if he doesn’t give at least a few days notice because it makes them feel like a last minute option.  Why shouldn’t you expect the same from her?

It’s ok to learn about her, but if you are too interested, you come off as a stalker.

So maybe you have asked out the girl you really like.  And before your date, you decide to do some Facebook browsing to give you some conversation ideas, this is totally fine!  When it crosses the line is if you know too much about her before she’s told you anything.  If she brings up “Yea while I was at college” and you follow it up with “Yea, like in that one photo with your roommates Jessica and Randy, where you’re all wearing those matching pajamas while you lived at Heleman Halls in 08?”.  Yikes, too much!  Get some basics, if she has pictures of her wakeboarding/snowboarding etc, it can be followed up with questions about where her favorite place to go is.  Learning too much too soon is creepy and it spoils the fun of getting to know someone! 

It’s also ok to talk about yourself.  Nice guys seem to think that by sitting and listening to girls for hours on end, clearly shows how interested they are.  By doing this, you run the risk of becoming that awesome friend who’s always there to listen, and you eventually end up listening to how bad other guys are and the drama in her life.  Let me say it again, you are not her gay buddy, so don’t let yourself fall into that trap!  If she does start talking about other guys, but you’ve made it clear you are interested in her, it’s ok to say “You know I’m interested in you.  And while I know that we aren’t exclusive, I really don’t want to hear about the other guys you are currently dating”.  Communication is key! 

Get some self confidence! –

Being around a guy with low self confidence can be an instant turn off, even repulsive (yes really).  By making it clear you don’t like yourself, or expect anyone to like you, it pushes us away.  One of the keys to self confidence is giving the impression you don’t care what others think of you.  Instead of working so hard to get her to like you, just assume the sale.  More than likely she’ll be into you if you act like she’s already into you.  It sounds counter-intuitive, but it works.

The one big thing that women are looking for (and it’s the universal mistake of attraction) is INSECURITY. When you communicate insecurity in any of your actions, it’s repulsive to women.  Look, I understand that you can’t help wanting this girl to like you, but if you get obsessed with what she thinks about you, you’re doomed. You’ll be yet another cautionary tale.  In fact, the more she can sense that you want her to like you (also known as “leg humper” disease) the more likely she will not feel any attraction for you. Which means, yes, you’ll be just friends in no time.

And of course, the good news is that confidence in all its forms is universally attractive to women. Women are attracted to guys with purpose, ambition, and confidence

Bragging like a douche bag is not the same as confidence –

The way most guys think they can impress a girl is to brag and puff up their chests with women – the way they do when they want to impress another guy.

Which is the complete OPPOSITE of what really attracts women.

You have to resist the urge to self-promote, because most women see this as a giant flashing sign that screams “douche bag”. If you are really good at sports, you can say “I like to play sports”.  Don’t say “yea, I pretty much kick butt at volleyball”.  Be humble, then if she sees you play she can think “wow, he’s really good”.  Being modest about your strengths is much more of a turn on for us.

Kind of like the guys that put shirtless pictures of themselves on Facebook (and for some reason these pictures are always taken in the bathroom mirror).  I don’t care if you look like Matthew McConaghey, it is much sexier for us to catch you by chance at the pool without your shirt on than posting it everywhere looking like you’re begging for compliments.  Plus, by making your amazing body kind of a secret, when we do fall for you, the fact that we get that six pack all to ourselves is a huge turn on.

Looks matter…to an extent –

I’m not saying you have to look like Brad Pitt in order for a girl to like you, far from it.  You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye.  Care about what you look like.   Your female friends are probably more than happy to give you advice.  And I highly recommend watching a few episodes of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” for some tips.

Don’t be a leg humper –

Ah the leg humper syndrome.  It’s when someone (girls do it too) get too into someone too fast and let it ruin everything.  It is so obvious to everyone, it gets embarrassing to watch. 

Think about this from her perspective: She’s going to be super-cautious early on, and unless you’ve triggered some massive attraction with this girl, when you make a big play for her and come on strong, it feels creepy and weird.  Women hate leg humpers, so you have to be extra laid back at the start so that she can feel comfortable enough around you to let herself go. (This is what women really mean by “friends first.”)

The problem with most nice guys is that they communicate the wrong message to a female. And what is that message? The message that most nice guys communicate is a very simple one: I like you! And that is a very big mistake.   Have you ever watched Charlie the Unicorn 3?  Get to the point with the underwater song and pay attention to the starfish.  Even sea creatures can be leg humpers…

Charlie the Unicorn – Watch the Starfish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaCCkfjPm0o

A guy friend of mine told me this is like what he refers to as “The Puppy” syndrome.  Guys tend to be like puppies when they meet a girl they like; over excited, always trying for attention, peeing on things…hmm, maybe not that one.  Ease up guys, you’re freaking us out.

I found this article online that I thought was interesting;

“Contrary to popular belief, the problem that most nice guys have is not that they treat girls they like “nice.” Girls don’t like being treated rudely or disrespectfully. They like being treated nicely – they like being given attention. No, the mistake most nice guys make is that they communicate to the girl they like what that “niceness” means to them. In other words, what a nice guy communicates to a girl he likes is how he feels and how he wants the relationship to progress.

The following are some of the things a guy will do that convey the “I like you” message to a girl he likes:

He tells her often how much she means to him.

He buys her flowers, chocolate, or other gifts

He goes out of his way to please her or do something special for her. For example, if she’s sick, he might make her soup, or if she needs help with something, he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to help her.

Now why is “I like you” the wrong message for a guy to send? The issue with this message (especially early on in a relationship) is that it focuses on how the guy feels, and not on how the girl feels. Girls are attracted to guys who make them feel pleasure. They are attracted to guys who make them feel good. They aren’t attracted to guys who simply “like them.” That does nothing for the girl. And the more that a guy does “nice” things to convey that he likes the girl, the more the girl will like the attention, but not the guy. This is why she will keep the guy as a friend: she likes the attention he gives her, but does not like him enough to go out with him.

The key to building attraction with a girl is not to stop doing nice things for her. Rather, the key is to use that nice guy quality and re-direct it away from how you feel and towards how you want her to feel. Everything you do needs to communicate to a girl that you want her to feel good. You need to show her not that you like her, but that you are focused on giving her attention that pleases her. If you do this well enough – if you focus on giving her attention, rather than conveying that you like her – than she will start to wonder how you really feel about her. And once she starts wondering, she will start becoming more and more attracted to you. Then the game begins.  “

We want a protector -

Like it or not, woman are naturally drawn to the alpha male.  We want someone who is strong, handsome and able to take care of us.  One of my favorite quotes is from Sex and the City when they were discussing firefighters.  One of the girls asks the others “Why do you think it is that women are naturally attracted to firemen?” to which another replies “I think deep down, women just want to be rescued.”.  Now I know this just screams to the feminist in each of us, no we don’t!  But honestly, yes we do. 

I think my friend Bobby is a perfect example of this.  We met at a conference and went to dinner with group of people.  He exudes self confidence without coming off as a complete tool.  He also has a strong sense of power, without being a Neanderthal.  While walking to the restaurant, I noticed he did small things that made me feel incredibly secure; moving so he was on the side closest to the street, opening my door but not making a show out of it, letting me sit down at the table first.  The really interesting thing is these were all things he did out of habit, not because he was trying to impress me (he wasn’t even interested in me).  But those small things radiated with a sense of “I’m the man and I will protect you”.  It was incredibly attractive.

Don’t Shower her with gifts and compliments –

Any girl who is worth your time will be more excited by a well thought out cheap date than a guy spending half his paycheck on dinner and flowers.  These low-cost dates also keep you from feeling that you have to “spoil” her or “buy” her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won’t mind a “cheap” date; she just wants to be with you.  If you overdo the gifts, you come off as desperate.

The truth is that women love compliments. We adore being told we’re hot, irresistible and look sexy in our new black dress. But throw out too many compliments too early on, laugh at all of our jokes (even when we both know they’re not funny.  Who am I kidding, I’m totally funny), we’ll get bored and the compliments get repetitive.  It turns you into one of two things: the too nice guy or the desperate creep -- and no woman wants to date either. Instead, make us work for our compliments. We love a challenge just as much as a man does, and compliments go so much further when we feel we’ve actually earned them.

Making Yourself the Inferior –

Women like to be treated with respect, but most are not attracted to a man who appears to be, well, groveling. So if your instinct is to ask, "Is it okay if I kiss you?" don't. Just kiss her.  Just because a woman wants a man to treat her with consideration and respect doesn't mean she wants one that she can walk all over. If you try to be the man who treats her like a queen, then you automatically put yourself in the role of her inferior. Not only is this unattractive to a woman, it's also not a healthy way to start a relationship. Instead, assert yourself and act with confidence; just as you expect her to.

Women are crazy – we don’t say what we want, or if we do, we tend to change our minds later.  That's not to say that you shouldn't respect what a woman says and give in to her requests when she makes them (especially if she tells you she doesn’t like something you are doing), because you should. But just because she says she wants you to call her every night before bed doesn't mean that she'll be more attracted to you if you do.

Nice guys also tend to let people (especially women) walk all over them.  I have been known to call these guys the ball-less wonders.  Don’t be one of those guys.  There are a lot of women out there that if they don’t respect you, they will treat you like crap if you let them.  Sadly, I used to be one of those girls (not anymore though, but I am instantly turned off by guys that come across as weak). 

The “Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve” Issue -

Being too open too soon - Our female brains aren’t wired like yours. We don’t thrive on competition. We don’t think it's the ultimate challenge to help you get over your ex and get with us instead. On the contrary, many of us will actually shy away from you if you continue to tell us either how wonderful your ex was, how upset you are that she dumped you, how toxic your old relationship was, or how glad you are to “finally be rid of the whore.” Instead of being a turn-on, all this ex talk instantly screams that you have so much baggage that you need a bellboy. Not to mention the fact that it's boring for us to have a man whine on and on about a relationship that doesn't involve us. Get over it!  Guys think they are avoiding games by being open really soon, but most of the time it just freaks us out.  All of us have past relationships, but get to know each other before you start bringing up the ex’s.

Sometimes guys fall into the opposite trap and get way too honest up front. They want to be brutally honest and avoid all the “games,” but in doing so they steal the fun part out of meeting women – which is that it’s a discovery process.  So just keep all that well-meaning honesty and reveal the flaws and the quirks along the way. 

And sometimes they just share too much.  If tomatoes give you rancid diarrhea, don’t tell me this at dinner!  Just don’t order them!  If I ask, just say you are allergic.  Telling us things that bring an instant mental picture of you on the toilet is not good…ever.

Don’t put us on a pedestal before you really know her –

This is something I see a lot with the nice guys.  It shows up mostly when a guy comes on way too strong too soon.   They meet a girl, are instantly attracted to her, and begin almost creating this fantasy version of her.  He builds a fantasy relationship with this hot woman he just met, and builds up all his attraction, and then totally freaks her out when he starts centering his life around her.   If she confides in them about all the jerks she is dating, it just makes it that much worse.  They tend to think she is some sort of victim and can do no wrong, and if she would just give you a chance she could see how happy her life could be.  What bothers me about this is guys enable these girls and don’t believe she is capable of doing anything wrong.  These jerks aren’t forcing her to go out with them, she’s going willingly!  She’s probably kissing them too.  You know why?  Because jerks tend to be good kissers.  Just sayin…

Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that’s what you’re looking for)? Just because she’s attractive/smart/classy doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, whenthe looks begin to fade and she’s popped out a couple of kids?

If we don’t want to have sex with you, we will never want to date you –

There, that’s as blunt as I can be about it.  You may treat us like gold and we can talk for hours, but if there isn’t a physical attraction, you will never be more than just friends.  And before you start bashing me for not promoting loving someone for who they are, guys think this way too.  How many of you “nice guys” have a girl who you know is very interested in you, who does everything for you, but you aren’t attracted to her, no matter how sweet and wonderful she is?

Sometimes attraction is something you can help (better grooming, clothes, exercise, bathing etc) and sometimes it’s not.  If the physical chemistry isn’t there, sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.  Now I’m not saying you need to spend a fortune to get a new wardrobe and get your body waxed (people that buy things simply because of the brand annoy me.  And I like chest hair, again, just me), but there is no reason you shouldn’t be doing some basic things to make yourself look and feel better.

Women can be just as shallow as men can be, but just as most men are attracted to a certain standard of female (big boobs, round butt, shiny hair) because they're genetically programmed to be, most women are attracted to a certain kind of man. And while she may think she wants somebody to treat her nice and show her respect, a woman's body often tells her a different story. Her body says to choose the Alpha male type-- the one who makes the rules rather than follows them. The decisive and confident man who oozes strength and security.  Just as men can overcome their body's drive to "spread their seed" with plenty of big-breasted women, women can overcome their instinctive attraction to take-charge Alpha men.

So there you have it guys, my thoughts.  Love me or hate me, let me know what you think  J

Step Away From the Keyboard! Why I think texting is ruining dating...

Step Away From the Keyboard!  Why I think texting is ruining dating...

Anyone who knows me well will probably laugh that I am writing about this subject.  I am the first to admit that I love to text.  I don’t particularly enjoy long phone conversations and sometimes a text is the perfect way to get across information.  But in this age of advanced technology, I’ve realized that texting is hurting our social skills, especially in dating.

Recently I started emailing someone I met online and gave him my number.  I can be hard to get a hold of by phone, so I told him he could text me if he would rather.  It started off well, but because of work and social events there were times it would take me a day to respond.  After a few days he brought this up saying “Why does it take you so long to respond sometimes?  I feel like you might be too busy to take the time to get to know someone”.  First off, I have to give to guy credit for being direct with me since I think communication is so important.  If you don’t tell me something is bothering you, how will I ever know?

But it also annoyed me, and it got me thinking.  What happened to the time when you would meet someone, ask for their number, wait a day or two then call to ask them out?  Maybe you would chat for a little while, then call the day before to confirm, but that was pretty much it.  Why have we become so obsessed with instant gratification that if we are not in constant contact within the first few weeks of meeting the person, we feel that the other isn’t interested?  So many of us (and I am one of them) have sat anxiously checking our phone every few minutes waiting for that return text.

Am I the only one that feels we text so much, by the time we get to the date, we don’t have as much to say?  Don’t you want to get to know someone by spending actual time with them?  Hearing their voice, learning what their facial expressions mean and their body language?  Texts can be so misleading, sarcasm isn’t as easily picked up, to make sure it doesn’t across wrong you feel the need to end each sentence with a smiley face (I am totally guilty of this) or lol?

What is so wrong with having a chance to miss the other person for a little while?  To actually get excited for the count down to see or hear from them again?  And don’t you have other things to do than sit on your phone all day?  If you are at work, focus on work!  Your phone should only come out on breaks and lunch, this is pretty basic.  If you are with friends, leave your phone in your pocket and focus on the people you are actually with (again this is something I am really bad at, but I am making a big effort to improve).

If the person is on your mind, then I think it is totally find to text just to say you were thinking of them, or you hope they are having a good day.  Or if I had a good date, I like to send a text saying thank you and that I had a good time (it gives them the clear go ahead if they want to ask you out again).  But if you really want to get to know someone, call them and ask them out!  Or if you want to start off as friends, invite them to a group activity where you can talk. 

But for heavens sake, raise your hands and step away from the keyboard!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me a Match

Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me a Match

One of my many side interests is to play match maker.  The ironic thing about this is if you look at my statistics, I’m not very good at it.  Over the past few years I estimate that I have set up about 500 people on dates.  These dates have resulted in 5 relationships and 0 marriages.  With such a dismal track record, you are probably wondering why I waste my time?  The truth is, the purpose of me setting people up on dates is not with the expectation that they will fall in love and get married.  Actually, if people start dating, I’m more surprised than anyone.

Let me explain the reason behind my thinking, help you understand what goes into the process, some tips on it and some things that drive me crazy.

Why Do I Do It?

I am one of the few people who truly enjoys being set up.  I took the mindset a long time ago to try just about anything once, and this includes blind dates.  I actually think they’re fun.  There is something exciting about getting to meet someone I wouldn’t normally have the opportunity to be with.  I don’t go into it thinking I will be married to this person.  I just go with an open mind and a determination to have fun.  This is something I wish more people did, it could change their lives.

It’s Just A Freaking Date People –

I’m always surprised at how many people are so adamantly against getting set up on a date.  This is something that drives me crazy, especially the people who constantly complain that they never go on dates.  The majority of the time when I approach people about setting them up, they come up with every reason to not try it.  The main reason I hear is “If I’m not interested, I don’t want to lead them on”.  I am confused as to why so many people think that if you go on one date, it means you are now in a committed relationship.  A first date is exactly that, one date.  It’s a chance to get to know someone and see if there is a spark.  If you don’t feel anything, move on.  If the other person pursues, let them know you aren’t interested.  It’s pretty simple.

I Can’t Seem To Turn Off Match Making In My Head –

Literally every time I meet someone new, man or woman, I tend to think if they would be a good match for someone I already know.  Sadly, this even happens when I’m on dates.  As soon as I know they aren’t going to be the one for me, I start thinking of other people for them.  I am aware this is weird, and I’m trying to be better about it, it just seems to be a part of my brain I can’t shut off.

Sometimes Dating Is All About Networking –

This is the reason I don’t worry myself too much if the couple I set up is going to fall for each other.  By going on a date with someone, maybe you will fall in love.  But if not, maybe you will make a new friend.  And maybe that new friend will introduce you to their friend who ends up being the one for you.  You never know what can happen, and it never hurts to have a new friend.

Some People Refuse To Go Unless They Have Seen A Photo Of Them First -

I get it, you need to be physically attracted to someone in order to fall in love.  It’s just basic nature.  But if I come to you and say I have someone for you to meet, and you will only even consider it if you see a photo first to make sure they are up to your standards, you come off like a tool.  Trust me in the fact that I will not set you up with someone you find grotesque.  Remember that whole “it’s just one date” thing?  Besides, what if I showed them a picture of you and they said how ugly you were?  It sucks to be judged on basic looks alone, so stop doing it and trust me. 

When I was heavier, the only thing about getting set up that would bother me was when people would say “I have the perfect guy for you!”.  Then during the date, it would become painfully obvious that the only thing we had in common was that we were both overweight.  I’m not sure what the people who fixed us up expected us to connect on?  Our fear of abandonment and tendency to overeat to hide deeper issues?  Oh yea, there’s a match made in heaven.

Sometimes Bad Dates Are Better Than Good Dates, They Make the Best Stories -

Clearly since I am still single, I do not have some amazing tale about how I went on a date, fell madly in love and lived happily ever after.  What I do have is a huge collection of bad date stories, and I think they are hilarious.  Bad experiences help us realize the good ones when they come along.  And anyone who hasn’t heard about my date with the guy I’m pretty sure was a polygamist, I’d be happy to tell you about it sometime  J

It Can Be Ridiculously Time Consuming -

Let me give you a breakdown of the process I do for my online dating service Double Dutch Dating;

First I create a Facebook event asking anyone interested in getting signed up.  I try to make it clear that it isn’t an actually event, just a deadline for when you can sign up.  I then spend the next week answering a minimum of 20 questions asking me where they meet and other questions that are clearly answered on the invite.  Sigh, please just read the description people.

Next, once the deadline is up, I get a list of the people who signed up on the website and email them a list of basic questions;

I ask if they would be willing to date someone younger/older than them, and the age limit for each.

I ask them to list at least 3 hobbies they have.

I ask them if they would be willing to date someone who is overweight.  My definition of overweight is more than 40 pounds above a healthy range.  I do not put “chubby” in this category.  The reason I ask this is because I don’t want to set you up with someone you would not be remotely attracted to.  I also don’t want that person to have their feelings hurt.

Once I get their responses back, I try to make my matches.  Most of the time I have twice as many women than men sign up, so I have to reach out to the guys to see if they will be willing to go on two dates.

I match my couples by age, and hobbies.  I try to match people as best I can, but it’s not an exact science.  Plus, it’s a free service.  If you want me to go out there and hunt down your perfect eternal companion, you are going to have to pay me  J

I check the FB page of the matches to make sure they aren’t already friends.  My goal with the service is to introduce you to people you don’t already know.  This is becoming more and more challenging, so it doesn’t always work out this way.

Once the matches are made, I send an email to both people with their contact information and a list of date ideas.  From there, I leave it in their hands.

So that’s the basic process.  It is very, very time consuming, but fun.  So if you want to give it a try, I would love it!  Just go to http://doubledutchdating.blogspot.com/ find my picture on the right and sign up! 

By opening up yourself to new experiences, you never know the people or happiness you can find  J