Dating - Maybe I Should Just Become a Crazy Cat Lady..

Dating – Maybe I’ll just become the crazy cat lady…

I’m single.  I’m Mormon.  And I’m 31.  This triple combination seems to strike fear in any girl under the age of 25.  Well, just about any LDS girl really.  I remember being 18 and thinking “I can’t even imagine being 30 and still single.  That would be so horrible!”.  Oh young, stupid me.  This was also at a time of my life where I wanted a wedding so badly, but I didn’t really think much about the marriage part. 

I am actually grateful to be 31 and single.  No, really, I am.  I have had a bad run of dating some of the biggest losers possible.  If I was married now, that would mean I had married one of them, and I can guarantee that I would also be divorced. 

For the first time in my life, I feel like I am actually ready to move onto the next step.  That marriage, and especially a family, is something I really want.  And not just a wedding (even though, yes, my entire wedding is planned out in my head.  Give me a break, I’m a wedding planner, it’s what I do) but an actual marriage.

So after a lot of self reflection, last week I decided to sign up for an online LDS dating website.  I had signed up for one of these 4 or 5 years ago, but only met some very strange men (ever hear my story about my date with the polygamist?  Yep, he was a winner…) so I gave up on it.  I have faith that this time won’t scar me for life, and who knows, I might even meet someone special.  But, I have some concerns.  I noticed that so many of the guys (online and in the singles ward) can be lumped into specific categories.

The “I will not settle for anything less than a super model” guy;

One of my biggest complaints with singles ward (at least the ones I have been in) is that there seems to be only 3-5 girls that get asked out.  This is not an exaggeration.  I understand that these girls are very, very pretty and seem to have a “wow” factor to the guys.  The amusing thing to me, is these girls “hot to crazy” ratio is way off.  These girls are hot yes, but, they also seem to have a lot of issues (meaning bat $*** crazy).  If an average girl did half of what these girls did, guys wouldn’t even give them the time of day.  I get it, this is just how guys are and always have been, a pretty face and a nice body makes up for a lot apparently, and I’m not trying to change them.  But I swear I will get a migraine from how much I roll my eyes at the situation. 

Since taking the last few years to really try to get to know people, it breaks my heart that I know countless beautiful, strong, smart, spiritual women, who any guy would be lucky to even get a date with, NEVER get asked out.  Guess what buddy, you aren’t a 10 either.  Guys, give these girls a chance!  Ask out someone you normally wouldn’t.  It’s just one date.  They aren’t naming your future children.  If there isn’t a spark, maybe you will make a new friend.  But you never know, she could be the one.

Also, stop being so caught up in them having the perfect body.  This goes for guys and girls!  I was sitting in church a few months ago and one of the speakers was in his 60’s.  I remember thinking, “back when he was our age, I bet he was a hottie".  Not saying I was into the guy, but that looks don’t last forever.  Guys loose their hair, women have kids and get stretch marks.  Our boobs will sag, men will get man boobs.  Concentrate more on finding someone you love to be with and talk to, and be ok with the fact that no one is physically perfect.  I know it’s strange to hear me say this, considering I love to see a hot guy with his shirt off, but the perfect body is not a requirement for me. 

The “I live for the outdoors and idolize Bear Grylls” guy;

I get it, we live in Colorado.  It’s beautiful here and there are a lot of fun things to do outside.  But why is it every guy seems to be obsessed with doing everything outdoor possible, and expect a future wife who will be just as gung ho as they are?  Granted, I am a little biased.  I didn’t grow up in an outdoorsy family, and I dated one of these Bear types several years ago that was so obsessed with these activities, it has forever left a bad taste in my mouth for it.  In the last few years I have learned to enjoy a nice hike, even camping for a night or two.  But my motto is still “pretending I’m homeless is not my idea of a vacation”.  I like the idea of one day buying a camper and a cabin on the lake with my family, but month long trips backpacking in the wilderness, eating berries and peeing in bushes is my idea of hell.

My worry is about how so many of these guys think they must marry a woman who has the same hobbies as they do.  Talking to my sister and her husband about this issue, my brother in law laughs and says “What the heck is a hobby?  You get married, have kids, have callings.  There is no extra time for hobbies.”  He is Elders Quorum President, she is in the Primary Presidency and they have 6 kids.  I think they make a good point.   Hobbies are fine to have, but I don’t think you have to have the exact same as your spouse.

It’s kind of like how some people think you need to listen to the same kind of music.  Please, once you have kids, it’s nothing but Barney and Disney.

The “I’m just having fun” guy;

What is going on with all of these 30 plus year old guys who have no motivation to get a real job and pursue having a family, or at the very least a real relationship?  I know too many who live with their parents (** let me clarify.  Of course there can be valid reasons for some people to live at home.  Going to school, help with family issues etc**) but honestly, if you are 30, have a degree and are not physically disabled, why can you not support yourself?  Hard work is a quality I value more than just about anything.  And if I think you are lazy, I will run as fast as possible the other direction.

Or if they do work, they spend all of their money buying the latest toys, tv’s etc.  Again, maybe I’m the only one who doesn’t like this.  Material things don’t matter much to me.  I’m the girl who doesn’t want a real diamond because I think they are a waste of money, and I know most girls don’t agree with me.

Also, it’s ok to date age appropriately.  So a lot of you will laugh that I am the one saying that considering I’m a bit of a cougar.  I think 10 years above or below my age is acceptable to date.  But when I see these 35 year old guys only hitting on the 18-20 year olds, we have an issue.  These guys that are still living in Provo in their mid to late 30’s and only date girls still in college, yikes.

The “I’m active in church…for the most part” guy;

This goes hand in hand with the “just having fun” guy.  You can tell more about a person by watching how they act then you would by dating them.  Having a guy who does the right thing because he knows he should, not because he is trying to impress someone is a huge factor for me.  I know a lot of guys who go to church either for the social aspect, or because it’s expected of them.  They do just enough to fly under the radar.  This is not the kind of guy I am looking for. 

After thinking about the men I admire in my life, I’ve noticed some things that help them stand out.  Ladies, pay attention to the guys who volunteer to stay after church to collect trash.  Or at the end of a meeting starts putting away chairs and tables without anyone asking them to.  These are quality guys!

The “I won’t make the first move, and she needs to do all the work” guy;

I have one thing to say to these guys.  Grow a pair.

The “I’m angry and bitter so no one wants to date me, which makes me even more angry and bitter” guy;

I’ve been surprised by how many of these guys there are.  I understand, getting your heart broken sucks…a lot.  But if all you want to talk to me about is how bad your ex wife screwed you over, or why women are crazy, you can move right along.  If there is one thing I have learned in my life is you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.  Not sure why I would want to be attracting flies, but I digress. 

Think about it, at a party, are you more drawn to the person sitting in the corner alone with a “screw you” look on their face, or the person who is up talking, laughing and enjoying themselves?  Crap happens, it sucks, but deal with it, learn what you can, and move on.  There is a big amazing world out there with some incredible people you could be sharing it with!

So what is it I’m looking for you ask?  Well, maybe you weren’t even thinking that, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

There are 3 requirements I have before I will get into a relationship with someone.  He needs to have;

1.       A Job

2.       A Car

3.       A current temple recommend

You would be surprised at how difficult this is to find.  Some people disagree with my requirements, they think they are too strict (no really, I’ve had guys tell me my expectations are too high), but I stand by them.  If he has those three things, then we’ll see where it goes and if the chemistry is there.

So wish me luck as I pursue that next step.  And if you have someone you want to set me up with, I’m open to it  ;)

Recipe - Danny's White Chicken Chili

One of the tastiest recipes ever!  It has more of a soup than a chili consistency, but it is amazing.  I like to bake some Rhoads Rolls to go with it and dip in the juices.

Ingredients -

3 lbs chicken breast, cut into small cubes
1 chopped yellow onion
1 14oz can chicken broth
1 4oz can mild chopped green chilis
1 4oz can hot chopped green chilis
2 15oz cans Great Northern Beans (white), rinsed and drained
1 tbsp onion powder
1 tbsp oregano
1 tbsp chili powder
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup whipping cream

In a large soup pan add 1 tbsp olive oil and onions, cook over medium high heat until they are soft and just starting to brown.  Add the chicken and cook until no longer pink.  Add all other ingredients EXCEPT the sour cream and whipping cream.  Bring to a boil, then bring the heat to low.  Let simmer without a lid.  The longer is cooks, the better it is, I like to let mine cook for at least 2 hours.  Just before serving, remove from heat and add sour cream and whipping cream.

Recipe - Ultra Healthy Chili

One of my favorite recipes.  So tasty, even the guys won't mind that it's made with turkey.  I don't like a lot of heat, so for extra kick add more chili powder.  Serve topped with cheese for extra protein  :)

Ingredients -

2 lbs ground turkey (I use 1lb 99% and the other 92% or similar)
1 chopped medium onion
1 28oz can petite diced tomatoes, undrained
1 15oz can pinto beans, washed and drained
1 15oz can black beans, washed and drained
1 14oz can low sodium chicken broth
2 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp ground sea salt
1/2 cup sliced olives
1/2 cup chopped green onions

Spray a large soup pan with olive oil.  Add the onions and cook over medium-high heat until they're soft and just starting to brown.  Add the ground turkey and garlic powder and let cook until no longer pink.  Add all other ingredients and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for at least 30 minutes.

Chest Hair - Wolfman or 12 Year Old Boy?

Should it stay or go?

In the past few weeks I have found myself unemployed, and recovering from surgery.  This means I have been watching much more tv that I normally would.  I have noticed a strange trend with men that I can honestly say I am not a fan of, everyone seems to be shaving off their chest hair.

I think the trend began after the P90X explosion.  I remember the first time I saw the infomercial, there is something hypnotic about watching it.  Everytime it is on, I can't seem to change the channel, no matter how many times I have seen it.  If you look at the mens before and after photos go from chest hair, to clean shaven.  I am assuming the lack of hair (and addition of a tan and body oil) really accents their new muscles.

Then the Jersey Shore came out with all their over tanning and body waxing.  Really guys, this is what you're trying to look like?

But now it seems to be everywhere.  Last year at my birthday pool party (yes I had a pool party for the specific purpose of cute boys with no shirts...don't judge me) I noticed many of the guys had shaved their chests.  They even shaved one of my personal favorites, the "happy trail" (or treasure trail, whatever you call it.  The line of hair that goes down from their bellybutton...so freaking yummy).  When I asked them why they would do such a crazy thing, most stated that they thought that was what women liked.

After discussing with several of my friends who agreed they preferred their men clean shaven, I was starting to feel like the last woman anywhere who liked her man to look like, well, a man.

Now let me clarify, not all chest hair is good.  If you have so much that you can't even see a nipple, then please trim it.  The other thing that bothers me is if you have those weird puffy pink nipples (yes I just said that.  It's my blog and I can write whatever I want.).  A perfect example of these is George Kostanza on Seinfeld.  His chest hair is fine, but they make his chest look like some weird face that haunts my dreams.

The other thing that people posted on my Facebook status was their hatred for back hair.  Of course I would have to agree.  My personal dislike is for hair on guys shoulders.  It just makes me think of episodes of Cops with over weight men in wife beater tank tops drinking beer on folder chairs on their drive ways.  There is also the weird patch some guys get on their lower backs that looks like some sick version of a girls g string peeking out above their jeans.  And don't forget the dreaded patches of back hair I have seen on some guys.....*shudder*

So in my opinion, leave the chest hair guys.  But by all mean, it's ok to trim it up.