Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Same Barbie, Different Package

Dates Accomplished – 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35….65 to go!

The main question I get when people find out about my dating challenge is;  Why are you doing it?

That’s a good question.  One that I have been thinking a lot about.

There were several reasons I decided to give myself this challenge, but I think the main reason I am doing it, is because I am shocked that there would be that many guys who would be interested in dating me.  Why, you ask?

This was me 3 years ago.

Yep, that was me.  All 300 pounds of me. 

I decided to have gastric bypass surgery in 2011 and lost 150 pounds, literally half of my body weight.  It was the best decision I have ever made.

The best compliment I have received since having the surgery, is from people who knew me before I lost the weight.  They tell me that my personality hasn't changed at all since loosing the weight.  It may seem strange, but that was something very important to me.

Before I lost the weight, I wasn't horribly depressed, crying alone every night wondering why I was single.  I had a fantastic life, filled with lots of friends and fun.  I just happened to be morbidly obese.

When I was heavy, I had lots of guy friends, who were just friends, but I loved having them in my life.  They taught me so much about men, relationships and what to look for in people I wanted to surround myself with.  But I never got asked out, and I understood why, and I was ok with it.

Some people would argue with me.  “Aren’t you mad/sad?  If they love your personality so much, shouldn’t your looks not matter?”.  People are always surprised when I wouldn’t agree with them.  I understood.  I wasn’t just 30 pounds overweight, I was morbidly obese.  I weighed 300 pounds.  I understand that you must be attracted to the person you are with.  The reason I understood this and had no issue with it, was because I have never been attracted to morbidly obese men, even when I was heavy.  That didn’t mean they were bad people, or that they didn’t have wonderful things to offer, I just wasn’t attracted to them.

So I understood when men weren't attracted to me.  Simple, honest.  No excuses.  Just a basic understanding.

What I haven’t understood as much is now that I have lost the weight, how so many guys are interested, but as soon as they find out I used to be heavy, disappear.  And this isn’t just an occasional thing, it happens all the time. 

It normally happens like this.  Either we meet online or in person.  We become Facebook friends, they then look thru my photos.  I don’t hide the way I used to look, you can see my transformation in my profile photos.  They send me a message, something along the lines of “Wow, is that really you in your photos?  What an amazing transformation.  You should be really proud of yourself”.  And then I never hear from them again.

I have asked a lot of my trusted guy friends why they think this happens.  Most start out with saying that the guy in question is a douche.  Haha, I love them  J  But the main thing they all say, is that the guy is probably terrified that I will gain the weight back.  I can understand this fear, but I also know plenty of girls who were a size 2 when they got married, and gained weight after kids.  Life happens. 

I could let it get to me, but I also keep in mind that there were also lots of things I used to do/be.  If he can’t handle that I was fat, he isn’t going to handle that I have a past.  Plain and simple.

So back to the dating challenge. 

For the first time in my life, guys actually want to go on a date with me.  It’s been a blast getting to know so many, cute, fun, wonderful guys. 

So when people ask me why am I doing the challenge?  

The simple answer is, because I can  J

Monday, March 3, 2014


Dates accomplished:  22, 23, 24, 25 and 26.   74 to go!

I’m not going to lie, I love to kiss.  It’s one of my favorite things to do.  But I have a confession.  I don’t really like to French kiss.

I’ll give you all a moment to gasp in shock and then compose yourselves.

Now let me explain, I do like a little bit of tongue, but just a little.  More like a hint of tongue.  What I really love are lips.  Soft, sensual, long kisses, where the focus is on the lips.  Yummy.

So why am I making this the subject of a blog post?  Because I am shocked at the amount of bad kissers out there and I think it needs to be addressed.

I have told a few people about my taste in kissing, and most guys respond the same way, “well you just aren't kissing the right guys then!”.  They then proceed to kiss me in exactly the way I DON’T like to be kissed.  Fun for me.

Let me just say, I have kissed my fair share of guys, probably too many to be honest.  And I know what I like and what I don’t.  And when you slobber all over my face and jab your tongue down my throat like you’re trying to implant an alien into my stomach, it isn't exactly a turn on.

I did a blog post a while back about kissing, you can read it here if you want .  It talks about all the different types of kissers I have encountered.

There used to be one of those horrible reality shows on VH1 (so of course I loved it) that taught really nerdy and shy guys how to gain confidence and pick up on women.  Some of it was cheesy, but some of the tips were really good.  They did a whole show on kissing, and it was some of the best advice I have ever heard.

I have a gift for you guys, hopefully the best piece of kissing advice you will receive;

*You should always wait at least 30 seconds during kissing before using any tongue*

Seriously.  Please take this advice.

Why is everyone so quick to jam their tongue in someone’s mouth?  At the very least, don’t come at me with your tongue already out!  You laugh, but I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me!

I have only kissed 2 guys since I started this dating challenge, neither of them were good.  The most recent happened a few weeks ago.  

We were chatting in his car (I don’t normally have first dates in a car, but the coffee shop we were at closed earlier than we expected).  He was a nice guy, but he talked…a lot…  I got bored, and figured the best way to shut him up was to kiss him, then I could go home.  (And people wonder why I’m single??).  He had gorgeous lips so I was hoping that maybe, just maybe this could be a good kiss.  So he goes in for the kiss, and his tongue is already out of his mouth before he has even kissed me!!!

His tongue could just not figure out what to do, it was everywhere.  I swear at one point he even licked my front teeth.  Yes, really.

In my mind, I just couldn’t figure out how this hot, intelligent, sexy man, was now giving me quite possibly the worst kiss of my life.  Have women told him this felt good?  Were they encouraging this behavior??

And then the biting began. 

I am all about a playful nibble on the lip, well into a good make out session (not 5 seconds in).  But this was not a nibble. 

This dude was biting my lip and I thought he was going to take it home with him. 

At this point, I was looking for my escape plan.  

I pulled back, he came forward, I pulled back further, he was still here.  At this point, I was practically pushed against the window.  OK, time for the kiss and release, get my lip back unharmed and head home.  

Mission accomplished.  My lip survived for future adventures.

*I think it’s important to clarify here, at no time did I ever feel threatened or in danger.  He was a sweet guy who just didn't have a lot of experience.  Or had a lot of experience from some really bad teachers*

So what makes a good kisser in my opinion? 

Confidence is a big one. 
Be romantic, but passionate.
Limit the tongue, it should be a tease, not a tidal wave.
Put your hands on my face, not in a creepy way.
Nibble my lip, but only if you know for sure it’s something I like. 
If my eyebrow, cheek or forehead are wet after kissing you, you’re doing it wrong.

Some of you may be thinking “If you have kissed that many guys, and most of them are bad, maybe you’re the bad kisser?”.  I have definitely considered this option.

I choose to think that the problem isn't me, I could be wrong  :)

If all else fails, follow this simple advice. 

Happy kissing everyone!!