Monday, October 10, 2016

Mr. Cantstoptalking

Ah Tinder.  I have quite the love/hate relationship with this app.  Yes, a lot of people use it for a quick hook up, but in Utah, a majority of people use it for actual dating.  You would be surprised at the number of brides that come into my store who met their fiances on Tinder.  I have actually met some really great guys here.

The best part of Tinder is it's fast and free.  Want a date that week?  Tinder is the way to go.  Want 5 dates that week?  As long as your standards aren't too high, Tinder is your best friend.

But of course there are some weird people on Tinder, and of course they all want to talk to me....

So just to give you a little background, here is my Tinder profile.

I know, how could you resist swiping right???  But honestly, I don't think my profile has anything in it that would send the message "I love weird guys!!".  

Last week I swiped right on this guys profile.  Meet Quantrell.  Or as I like to call him, Mr. Cantstoptalking.

He looks handsome, educated and uses punctuation.  No red flags yet.

We begin messaging each other, still no red flags.  He asks me out for later that week and I agree and give him my number.  This was on Monday.

Flash forward to Wednesday morning.  My sister is in town visiting me and we are both dead asleep.

Its 7am.  Let me repeat, it's 7 o'clock in the freaking morning.  

My phone rings and I stumble to find it.  I don't recognize the number, but I answer.

*Let me preface this by saying that I have a ring-back tone on my phone that plays the song "Barbie Girl".  Yes I know it's cheesy and that no one has them any more, but I find it very entertaining when people get the song stuck in their heads.  Plus I forget it plays that.  Anyway....

I groggily answer the phone, and am greeted by this;

Hahaha oh man oh man that is hilarious oh man it was all like I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world haha oh sh** I know I am supposed to be all professional and sh** but haha I can't believe it was all like I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world oh man if only my boys could see me now I'm all dancing around to I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world you know what song was my jam you know which one it was I'm blue da ba dee da bu dah da bu dee da bu dah oh man that was my jam I wish my boys could see me now hahaha we could be together and you would be all I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world and I would be all I'm blue da ba dee da bu dah da bu dee da bu dah oh man that was my jam hahaha

Notice how I didn't use any punctuation?  That's because he talked non stop for a full two minutes without taking a break.  At the time, I literally had no idea who this was.  So once he finally stops talking, I say "I am so sorry, I have no idea who this is".  This starts a whole nother rant;

Oh you dont oh you dont know who I am well lets take a look at your profile huh yea lets look at your profile so your profile says and I quote and I quote I am the coolest person you will ever meet and I'm really humble so let's look at the definition of humble ok ok so humble means having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance so why don't you think about that yea think about that and get your sh** together k yea get your sh** together and I will talk to you soon ok ok

And he hangs up.

So there I am, mouth hanging open, trying to figure out who the crap that was and if I was dreaming.  That couldn't have really just happened, could it?

Yep, it happened.

I spend the next 20 minutes going through my phone trying to figure out who this is.  I scour through my matches on Tinder, but he doesn't look like anyone.  And none of the phone numbers I have exchanged matched his.  

I text him again letting him know I have no idea who this is still, and he replies "Me".  Oh yes, that's helpful.  

A few minutes later, I get a picture of him with his dog.  I have no idea who this guy is.  My best guess is it's this Quantrell guy, but honestly they don't look much alike.

And then the video comes.  Brace for it.

Did everyone have the same reaction I did?  Which would be "What the ????"

I have no idea what he was hoping to get from sending that video.  Did he think that I would be more impressed by him telling me which celebrities he wants to sleep with, or his dance skills, or by his outfit where he "reps" a place he no longer lives, or by his comatose dog in the background?  Can you imagine the kind of crap that dog witnesses on a daily basis?

I never replied to him after that, but he tried to reach out to me a few times.  I don't believe in ghosting people, but in this case, I thought it was best that I just disappear.

Until we meet again Tinder, until we meet again......

Monday, July 11, 2016

My Date With The Polygamist

I want to keep the worst date for last, and it took me a long time to decide which was worse, this or the "Drunken Pirate" date.  Ultimately the pirate story was deemed the worst, but not by much, and you will see it in a future post.

Now I bring you, "My Date With The Polygamist".  And strangely enough, the polygamist portion was not the weirdest part of the date...

And in my defense, even my roommate, who was a lesbian, had a boyfriend.  I was a little desperate ;)

About 10 years ago, I decided to try online dating on an LDS website.  At a time when online dating still had a huge stigma attached to it, and there not being a huge amount of single Mormons in Colorado, pickings were a little slim.  I received a message from, we will call him Jacob, and eventually we exchanged numbers.  One night I came home to a voicemail from him, so I called him back.

A woman answered the phone.  Odd, but ok.  When he came on the line, we chatted for a bit and I finally asked who had answered the phone.  He explained that it was his mother, and that after his divorce, times were tough so he moved in with his mom.  Understandable, people need to be able to get back on their feet.  I asked how long he had been divorced and he replied "8 years".  Had he been living there that whole time?  Yes indeed.  Eight.  Years.

Next he asked me what my dream first date would be.  I told him an evening at Dave & Busters (just an FYI, this is an awesome first date.  Even if there doesn't end up being a romantic spark, you can still have a blast playing arcade games).  He said it was a little expensive for him and he wasn't sure he could make that work.  I completely understood.  It is easy to spend $75 on a date there.  No big deal.

So I suggested we meet at Cold Stone where we could just get some ice cream and chat.

He paused, and then said "Well, I guess I could ask to borrow some money from my mom".

Let that sink in for a minute.  Yes, this man was telling me that he couldn't afford to take me out for $5 ice cream.  I am fully aware that I should have turned and ran, but I pressed on.  I'm a trooper that way.

I suggested we find something else more "budget friendly" to do, but he said he would find a way to make it work.  

We made plans to meet at the store close to my house the following evening.  It was a nice summer night and I sat outside waiting for him to get there.  Eventually an old beater car pulls into the parking lot, you know the kind that the engine makes loud knocking noises and the doors are different colors because they are spray painted with primer, and out comes my date.  

My rule has always been that he has to at least have a car, it didn't matter what kind it was.  My attempt at not being superficial was coming back to bite me in the a...

He walks up and introduces himself and shakes my hand.  He then invites me to sit at a little table outside so we could chat.  As soon as we sit down, he exclaims "I totally forgot!  I need you to choose which one you like best!".  From his back pockets he pulls out two full bottles of cologne, Drakkar Noir and another one I can't remember.  He hands them to me and insists I smell them so I can tell which one I prefer him to wear on my date.  I wasn't sure what to do, so I chose Drakkar and hoped to move on.  

Time for more small talk, my favorite.  I ask him what he does for a living, and he replies "I help families save a lot of money".

Ummm, ok.

I ask him to elaborate.  He says "Families really appreciate how I help them save money".

What is this guy, the Riddler?

No really, what do you do for a living.

"I work at Walmart".

Ok, that's fine.  Lots of people work at Walmart.  What does he do there?

He works nights stocking shelves.

Ok, not so great, but we all do what we have to do to get by,

How long has he worked there?

8 year.  Eight.  Years.  In the same position.

Ok, let's give him the benefit of the doubt.  Walmart has a great management program and maybe he is going to take advantage of it.

Nope, he plans to stay in his current position with no plans of changing.  He doesn't want to move up because he doesn't want that kind of responsibility.  Awesome.  What woman wouldn't be charmed by a complete lack of ambition?

In an attempt to move along this incredible date, I suggest we go in to order some ice cream.  "Oh wait!" he exclaims, "I brought you something to look at".  He runs back to his car and comes back with a 4 inch thick 3 ring binder.  Confused, I open it to the first page with the title "Memories of Jacob".  I'm confused, looking up at him with a puzzled look on my face.  "It's a book my mom put together with memories of me as a little boy.  I thought you would like to read it."

This book is well over 100 pages.  I casually flip through the pages, trying to fake interest.  The only thing I can remember is one excerpt that said "Jacob is now 8 years old and has still never tasted sugar.  We couldn't be more proud".  Yes, really.

I close the book and say thank you and that it was so interesting.  He looks disappointed, "Don't you want to read more of it?".  I spend the next five minutes flipping through pages, trying to look like I was truly interested, while he sat and watched me.  After I feel I have put enough effort into this, I close the book and say thank you.  He finally agrees to head in and get some ice cream.

We stand there looking at the menu and I ask what he is going to order.  "Nothing" he says, "I only brought enough money for one".  Fantastic.  I debate not getting anything, but decide I deserve it at this point.  We head back outside for some more awkward conversation.  I've never eaten ice cream so fast.  I'm amazed I don't still have brain freeze.

I try to make my escape, but no.  He suggests we do something else, the night is young.  What does he have in mind?  Of course he doesn't have any ideas.  After a few moments of silence, he asks if I like to play pool.  Sure, why not.  I know of a bar a little ways away that has some pool tables so we head over there.  It took all of my willpower to not take off and head home, but I'm not that kind of person.  Nope, I'm the kind of person who ignores every red flag possible and gives people the benefit of the doubt for absolutely no reason.  I'm just that amazing.

We get to the bar and walk over to a pool table.  It costs a dollar to play, and you guessed it, he didn't have any money.  No worries, I got this.  I would love to pay for and play a game of pool.  I am not too proud to admit that when he wasn't looking I pushed any of the balls in the pockets just to end the game sooner.

Finally, the game is over.  I can run from this date.  Not so fast!  He is having an amazing time!  Let's go somewhere and talk, he suggests.  Don't worry, I am far too nice to say no.  Let's head to a nearby park and walk around.  There is nothing I would love better than to be in a poorly lit place with you right now.

Ok, one lap around the park and I can officially say goodnight.  I start asking him about his divorce and if he gets to see his daughter.

"Yes I do.  It's really nice that my ex and I have such a good relationship because I really want her to be one of my wives one day".

My eyes get wide.  I must have misheard him.  There is no way this guy is talking about his hopes to marry multiple women.  Let's move on, I must be going crazy.  Small talk about work, family, and then back to his daughter, and then his ex.

"I really hope my ex gets her act together one day because I really want her to be one of my wives".

That's it.  I'm out.  I'm glad it was dark and he couldn't see the look on my face.  I speed walk back to my car and say goodnight.

Looking back, I wish I had asked for more clarification.  Did he mean multiple wives in this life or the next?  Was he hoping to lure in multiple women with his sexy cologne and scrapbooks?  The world will never know....

Monday, June 27, 2016

My First Date In Utah

Part 2 in my series of my weirdest dates and/or interactions with men....

My First Date in Utah....

*Just a heads up, this story is nowhere near as crazy as my last one, but still good/bad enough for a blog post.  Needless to say, it wasn't the best way to start my Utah dating experience.*

When I first moved to Salt Lake City, I had never had any experience with a mid-singles ward before.  Because I didn't know anyone, I wanted to jump into things as quickly as possible.  I did some research online and tried to figure out which ward I should be in (I was wrong by the way) and reached out to the Executive Secretary to set up an appointment with the Bishop.

While chatting over text, he asked if I would like to go out with him sometime.  I said yes and we set it up for that Saturday.  I texted him my address and he asked me for the whole address.  This was weird, because I gave him the whole address.  He asked me for more numbers and I had no idea what that meant.  Being from Colorado, I wasn't familiar with the grid system, so I had no idea what information he was trying to get.  He then asked me to walk out to the street sign and read him all the numbers.  Ummm, what?  My friend I was staying with lived on a street that didn't have the weird cross streets (like 200 S 451 E) instead it was a normal address (like 1234 Washington Lane).  Again he asked me for all the numbers.  I told him I didn't know what he meant.  He then asked me how to get there.  At this point I was getting super annoyed and I finally asked if he has GPS on his phone.  He said yes and I asked if he couldn't just get direction from there?  I guess that must have worked because he stopped asking for more information.

On Saturday he picked me up and when we got to the car, he opened my door for me.  I must have been a little too enthusiastic in my "thank you" because when he got in the car, he made some comment about how I must have never had a guy treat me well before (umm, not accurate at all.  I just like to show my appreciation when guys are gentlemen).

I asked what he had planned and he said we were going to a friends house to watch the "Holy War" (the Utah vs BYU football game).  When we finally got to house, he parked his car and asked if I would mind if he texted a few people for his calling.  I said sure, so he grabbed a giant binder from his back seat and proceeded to text and call people.

For 30 minutes.

And all I could do was sit there.

He finally finished and we went to the front door.  His friend answers and the only thing my date says is "do you have a computer I can use?".  He goes inside and heads to a desk in the living room and opens a laptop.  He doesn't introduce me, he doesn't even make sure I'm in the house.  So I walk in awkwardly and say hi to a group of 20 people by myself.  I'm a pretty outgoing person, but this was even weird for me.

By the time we got to the party, the game was half over.  So I sat, by myself, watching a game with people I didn't know, while my date sat on a laptop not talking to me or anyone else.

When the game was over, my date finally closes the laptop and says "Thanks for having us over" and walks out the front door.  Apparently we are leaving, so I look around and say nice to meet you and follow him out.  He is already in his car and waiting for me.

At this point I'm done and I just want to go home.  He asks if I want to grab dinner, but I say something about needing to get home.  I have no idea where we are, and he starts (what I feel like is just randomly) starts driving around.  It turns out we are in West Valley, and it doesn't seem to be the friendliest neighborhoods.  All of a sudden he makes a U turn and drives into what looks like an abandoned parking lot.  I honestly thought "Is this really how I'm going to die?  After a really bad date?  Thanks Utah".  I ask him where we are going and he replies something like "Why do you seem nervous?".  He drives around a few more deserted buildings, turns a corner and pulls into a gas station.  Guess I won't die after all...

Finally we are on the way home.  He drives back on different freeways than we came in and I am totally lost.  I know only 1 exit to get to my house, and he passes it.  I say "I think that was the exit?".  He gets quiet and then says "You seem like a very open minded person".

Oh yea, this can only lead to good things.

"And you seem like the person that if someone had some criticism for you, you would take it to heart".

All I can muster at this point is "ummm, ok"

"You should never, ever criticize a mans driving."

No for real, that's his advice for me.

I reply "I wasn't criticizing, I just wasn't sure if you knew you missed the exit".

"You should never criticize a mans driving".

Yep, I'm done.  I'm sure I said something passively back, but at this point I just wanted to get home.

Finally he pulls into my driveway.  He makes a big deal about coming around to open my car door (because apparently he's an amazing gentleman) and walks me to the door.  He gives me a hug and tells me what a great time he has had and would love to get together again.

Needless to say, there wasn't a second date.  Thankfully, my other Utah dates got a lot better.....

Friday, June 3, 2016

Queen Sloth

This is the first post in my series of worst date/experiences with guys I have had.  Let me clarify, the guy I am talking about in this one I never dated, but it was so crazy it just had to share.  It's crazy enough that the people I have had read the messages I almost wish I had recorded their faces while they read because it was so crazy.  If I didn't have the screen shots, I honestly don't think anyone would believe it happened.

I met this guy at church, and only talked to him for about a minute.  He seemed nice enough and he asked if I could send him invites to events that were happening.  Since that is something I used to do, I said sure.  A few weeks later I had a party at my house and he came.  I remember talking to him briefly and thinking he was a little socially awkward, but that seems to be pretty common anymore so I didn't think much of it.

A little over a week later I get a late night call from two of my friends.  They told me they had met this guy at the party and he had asked for their numbers.  They were uncomfortable, but agreed.  One of them had just started dating someone and let him know, but he continued to text her.  The texts were harmless, but still unwanted.

The other girl had a bit of a different experience.  She had avoided his texts and a few phone calls and was just hoping he would go away.  The night that she called me, he had left her a 4 minute voicemail that was fairly bizarre.  He alternated from telling her how beautiful she was, to criticizing her life choices, including her decision to go to a family ward instead of a singles ward (this must really bother him because it comes up later).

I have a big problem with avoiding or "ghosting" someone, it's happened to me and it sucks.  I told the second girl that I need her to be direct with him.  She could be mean or nice about it, but she had to say the words "I'm not interested".  A lot of times girls think they are being clear with guys and they aren't at all, so when people ask me for dating advice, this is one of the first things I tell them.  This is also shows if a man will be graceful about it, or freak out.

The next day she texted me saying that she had texted him very nicely that she was flattered, but not interested.  He tried to call her, but she didn't answer (she was at work, but didn't want to talk anyway).  She then received the following text (I couldn't figure out how to get a print screen of it because it's too long, sorry).  I have taken out any names so everyone can remain anonymous;

**Can you please call me when you're off work? I'm not a robot and neither are you.  Texting has it's place like if you're at work, in a meeting,  hosting a client or the topic of the conversation is inappropriate in public, private in nature, or each person is in a loud environment and unable to "give" full attention to another. Otherwise, texting is for immature people or who those who a perhaps too selfish to part with their own time for another. Boiled down, as a man of God, texting in my fair opinion is various levels of PRIDE & SLOTH. It attracts laziness, ego inflation, grandiosity, & feel its a tool of the Devil to separate hearts, & take lives in traffic.

Passionate words from a passionate man.

I'm assuming you're at work, on lunch & choose not to take my call.

I can relate. I'll be patient with you. I want to respect your process of what you're dealing with that has validated your thinking to allow you to believe it's okay to be in a "Family Ward" as a Single.

My view on this is, it's very understandable if you're healing from say a divorce, grieving a loved one...Something major.

However,  if you're avoiding something in your life, or too SLOTHFUL to get it together on a Sunday or it's convenient to go dumpy to the local family ward, then it's just SLOTH validates by PRIDE & EGO. These sins create separation from God's Will & allows us to remain unsurrended & disobedient to God's greater good.

Be a big girl, and return my calls, ****. You'll probably be grateful later you did.

Tough love,
End of Text

At this point, I knew he was fairly crazy.  Because he had met them at my party, and they came to me with valid concerns, I decided to send him a message on Facebook.  This was when he decided to take the lid completely off his crazy and let it go everywhere....

My messages are the ones in blue;

Yep, crazy pants.  Thankfully, I have a strong enough sense of self worth that this did not effect me in the least.  I have not seen or heard from him since this happened.  

My life is never dull.  Much love,
Sloth Queen

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Secrets to Online Dating – Part 2

A few weeks ago I posted Part 1 of this series  where we focused on photos.

Now let’s talk about the second most important part of your online profile, the “About Me” section.  The section where you have up to 1000 words to convince all those eligible singles how amazing you are and that they should propose to you immediately  J

There is a very delicate balance to this section.  Put too little and you seem uninterested, put too much and you seem like a crazy person.  So let’s go over some of the Do’s and Don’ts I have learned.

Only put “I’m an open book.  Ask me what you want to know”.  This comes across as lazy and unwilling to put forth any effort (this is how they end up being in relationships too).

Be too general.  Anyone can say “I like to eat out and go to the movies”.

Give a little more detail that would give someone an easy way to start a conversation.  Instead of saying “I like to eat out”, you can say “I’m a big fan of Mexican food, the Red Iguana is one of my favorites”.  Or instead of “I like to go to the movies” you can say “I’m always up for a good action movie.  Anyone up for a Mission Impossible marathon?”.  What an easy way to transition into a conversation!  How simple is it to send a message saying “Red Iguana is my favorite too!  Which is your favorite kind of mole?”.

Give a list of what you don’t want.  Example “Short guys need not apply” or “Only looking for a physically fit girl.  If you can’t run up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath, don’t bother”.  Both of these are real things I have seen on someone’s profile.  Yes, we all have things we really want in a partner, but putting them out in such a negative way makes you come across as extremely shallow.

Keep things upbeat and positive.  Being too negative is a guaranteed way to have people pass you by.

Talk about your ex or your divorce on your profile.  Things like “She left me and it wasn’t my fault” or “my ex was a cheating scumbag” do nothing but show you aren’t over your last relationship and clearly aren’t ready for dating yet.  This is an instant red flag for most people.

Use grammar and punctuation!  One giant run on sentence is confusing.  Not being willing to spell out simple words like you (u) or are (r) make us assume you are an idiot.  Type out what you want to say in a Word doc first, check it for spelling.  Then have a friend look it over to make sure it makes sense.  A little double checking can go a long way!

Make your profile too long.  I saw one once that was 9 paragraphs.  Nine.  People are looking for a general overview of who you are and if there are any common interests.  They do not want your life story, a poem you wrote, and your entire testimony.

Talk about things you are passionate about.  Goals in life, hobbies that you would really love to have a partner join you in etc.

Hopefully these tips help you on your online dating journey.  And if you want all the secrets, contact the LDS Matchmaker for their online dating package.  It’s worth it!

Monday, April 11, 2016

Why Am I Single? The Question That Changed Everything…..

Why Am I Single?

This is a question that every single person has asked themselves, probably multiple times.  Most of the time it has a negative context, depression and wondering if marriage will ever happen and what we are doing wrong that is preventing it.

A few months ago I was asked this question, and everything changed.

I was in an appointment with my dating coach and she asked me the question.  My mind automatically went to the negative.  Am I not trying hard enough?  Am I not pretty enough?  What can I do to change?

Lauren looked at me and said “Do you think that if Heavenly Father wanted you to be married right now, that you would be?”

The question stopped me in my tracks.  I had to stop and think about it.  Did I truly believe that Heavenly Father would help marriage happen for me at the right time?  Yes, of course I did.

Lauren shared with me something she struggled with before she met her now husband, and the answer that she received.  Rather than praying for a spouse and to move onto that next step, she felt prompted to ask what she should be learning while she was single.  She knew she needed to shift her focus to helping other singles, it was one of her greatest strengths.

So she presented the question to me.  Why am I single?  But instead of thinking about what I’m doing wrong, she wants me to think about what I need to be learning.  What are things that Heavenly Father wants me to accomplish that I couldn’t if I was married?

Being single is not a punishment.  It is not a holding pattern where we wander aimlessly until we find a spouse and start that part of our lives.  This is a time where we can contribute so much to our communities, wards, and others. 

As soon as she got me thinking about this question in such a different way, everything changed for me.  I felt a peace that I have never known.  Of course I will still do everything I can to find that person, that is still extremely important.  But for the time being, I want to grow and become the person He wants me to be.

So I ask each of you, why are you single?

Friday, March 25, 2016

The Secrets to Online Dating - Part 1

One of the most beneficial things I have learned from working with the LDS Matchmaker is the secrets to online dating.  Some of the most important things I learned are trade secrets so you'll have to learn them straight from the experts, but I have a few things I can share.


Whether it's, Tinder, or even just your Facebook profile, photos are incredibly important.  I'm not saying you need to look like a model, but you should at least be presentable.  Here is a list of some do's and don'ts to help.

     Put photos in your profile where you are with someone else or a large group.
 If it's a member of the opposite sex (even a sibling) the first impression is that you are dating them.
 If it's a member of the same sex, there is a chance they will think your friend is hotter than you are.  If it's a group photo, it's hard to figure out which one you are.

Have at least one full body photo.  Men are visual, and, like it or not, their attraction includes more than just your face.  Forcing them ask for it later down the road makes them come off as a creeper when the majority of the time they aren't.  Just put the full body photo up at the beginning.

Have the "Dateline Pedophile" photo that's grainy and taken from a webcam on your computer in a poorly lit room.

Trim your beard.  A lot of women love a man with a beard, but if it looks like small creatures are nesting in it, it's not very appealing.

Only have photos of you that are more than 10 years old.

Ladies - If you like to ski or snowboard, have a photo of this.  I don't know why, but it attracts men like moths to a flame.

Only have photos of comic book characters.  There is nothing wrong with having a hobby, but when that's all you have or talk about, women assume you are creepy and live in your parents basement.

Wear lipstick.  It sounds silly, but it makes a huge difference.

Have photos of you out drinking at the bars if your profile claims you are looking for a nice LDS guy/girl.

SMILE!  Yes the coy smirk can be cute for a photo, but if every single photo isn't a real smile, I will assume you have some seriously jacked up teeth.

Take a photo of your drivers license photo.  Seriously, I don't want to say how many times I have seen this......

Wear clothing that accents your figure.  No one says you have to be any certain size, but dress in a way that makes you feel great.

Pose seductively on a fur rug or chaise lounge.  This is especially directed towards the men....

Have photos of you doing your favorite hobbies (traveling, hiking etc).

This is especially for the men.  Don't make every photo of you rock climbing, biking or generally anything that you are doing a cool activity, but you can't see your face.  One of those is fine, but let's be honest, you aren't Bear Grylls.

Switch up your photos!  Every few weeks rotate the photos you have, it helps attract a whole new group of potentials  :)

Have photos of you at the gym.  Unless your ultimate goal is to only date another gym rat, it just makes you look like a tool.

Especially if you are a guy, post photos of you with puppies.  It's a sure fire win  :)

Have photos of you with kids that aren't yours.  Yes, I get that you want to show everyone you can't wait to birth some babies, but it's more confusing than anything.

And as always, for help from the real experts, visit 

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

They Aren't All Bad. In Fact, Most of Them Aren't

I like to get a laugh.  One of the easiest ways I have found to do this is by talking about my strange dating life.  With some of the experiences I have had, I have always found it is better to see the humor in it, rather than acknowledging the soul sucking existence being single in your 30's can be. Again I kid, it's really not that bad, really.

But it has come to my attention that by so frequently making light of my dates failures, I might be putting the wrong message out there.  And I think that's true.  So I wanted to clarify something very important.

There are way more amazing guys out there than weirdo's.  A LOT!!!

When I did my 100 date challenge in 2014, I had a few intentions in mind.  It's no secret, I wanted to fall in love.  I wanted to meet someone amazing, get married, maybe pop out some babies.  I knew it was a long shot, but wouldn't it be a great "How we met" story??  And at the very least, I would get some great stories about weird dates I went on.  Unfortunately, not much of either happened.

Something pretty amazing did happen.  As you have probably noticed, I don't have tons of stories from those dates.  Well at least not the kind of "Here's the latest weird crap in my life" stuff that I'm used to.  Instead, I met some pretty wonderful men.

No, I did not find the man I want to marry.  Sometimes I was into them, but they didn't feel the same.  Sometimes they were into me, but I didn't feel the same.

But these men I met were surprisingly, normal!  Intelligent, funny, spiritual, good guys.

Some examples;

They were all true gentleman.  One date not only opened my door, he offered his hand to help me get out of the car (I found this incredibly swoon worthy).  Part of our date was going to a game night at a friends house.  When we were getting ready to leave, he went and found my coat, helped me into it, and swept my hair from under the collar so it wouldn't be stuck in my jacket.  He was an incredibly genuine and kind man and it showed in everything he did.  *And because I know you will all ask, he didn't feel a spark which was fine.  He recently got married and is very happy :)

One man, who I lovingly refer to as "The Nerd", will always be one of my favorites.  Our dates were always filled with laughter and he was willing to put up with my bizarre adventures.  He was thoughtful, giving and loved his nerdy comic stuff (but in a charming way).  *It wasn't something that developed into anything more than friendship, but he is hands down one of the best men that I have ever met!  Ladies, he's still single.....

I could go on and on (I promise I will post more about these guys in the future).  I cannot believe what incredible men there are out there!

So while I do have some insane dating stories that I love to share, it doesn't mean that I think all guys are crazy.  Most aren't.  And I think guys get a bad wrap, but more about that another time....

Ladies, don't give up hope!  Good men are out there, but YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM A CHANCE!  Please, I beg you, go on a date, even if you don't think you are interested.  It doesn't hurt to have a fun evening with someone.  And on one of those dates, it's going to turn into something more.  I know it will for me  :)

Friday, February 12, 2016

Why I Need a Dating Coach aka my girl crush on Lauren....

It's no secret that I like to date.  I love meeting new people and seeing if we connect.  Even if there isn't anything romantic, most of the time I can get a new friend out of it.  Or if it's really bad, at least I got a really good story out of it.....and I have A LOT of those.

Dating is something in life I think all singles need to take advantage of.  Date a lot!  Even if you don't think it's a match, give it a shot.  Some of the best marriages I have ever seen, there wasn't an initial chemistry or attraction.  My personal rule is that unless you feel that you will be in personal danger, say yes to a first date.  I actually think you should say yes for three dates, but some people need baby steps ;)

But even though I have had more than my fair share of dates, I have only had 2 boyfriends.  Yep, 2.  I didn't even have my first boyfriend until I was 32.  I just wasn't good at turning dates into something more.

When I got the opportunity to work with the LDS Matchmaker last year, I jumped at the chance.  While all of her services have helped me, nothing even compares to the change I found from working with a dating coach.

I know a lot of you are asking "What the heck is a dating coach?".  Basically, it's a therapist you work with on your dating and relationship issues.  Her main goal is to figure out the road blocks so you can fall in love and find someone to spend your life with.

So why would anyone need a dating coach, especially me?  For me, I like to buy self help books.  Now let me clarify, I like to buy them.  I don't really like to read them.  I have a whole collection sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust, and the majority of them are about dating.

Books are great.  I love the smell of them, the feel of the paper.  These books are full of great advice and life changing information.  The bad part about books?  You aren't accountable to them.  Books aren't scheduling weekly meetings with you, asking questions and really getting to the root of the problem.  I needed more than a book.

Lauren (my dating coach) was exactly what I needed.  She not only listened to what I had to say, she listened to what I DIN'T have to say.  She figured out the true meaning behind my words, my insecurities.

And the best part, she called me out on my crap.  Anytime I said something that sounded good, but wasn't what I really meant, she would call BS on me so fast it would make your head spin.

I am a bit of a strong personality (putting it mildly) and she had no problem stepping up to the plate.  And I respected her for that.

Now don't get me wrong, she wasn't ever argumentative or abrasive.  She is kind, funny and truly has the best intentions for her clients.  She wants you to succeed!

I also had some of the most spiritual experiences during our sessions.  We both shed many tears talking about our love for the gospel and knowing Heavenly Fathers unwavering love for me.  She built my testimony in ways I had never imagined.

In our 13 sessions, she gave me weekly homework assignments.  Challenges that pushed me out of my comfort zone and really helped me grow.  She got me out of my own way from finding a truly meaningful relationship.

Last night was my last session with her, and it was incredibly bittersweet.  I will miss my weekly chats with the woman who I now consider my dear friend.  But much more than sadness, I left feeling nothing but hopeful.

In the next few months, I will be writing blog posts talking about some of the most life changing things I learned.  I want nothing more than to help all of my single friends find love, and keep it forever.

But if you really want to change your life, set up a consultation with the LDS Matchmaker.  What do you have to lose?  :)