The Top 10 List

In the process of working with my dating coach, one exercise she has had me work on has been particularly helpful;

Creating a Top 10 List

I have always been a very “all inclusive” dater, which I don’t think is a particularly bad thing.  My rule has been, if someone asks me out (unless I feel physically in danger) I will always say yes.  I don’t really have a “Type”, and I love to meet people from all different walks of life.  The downside to this is I tend to be too inclusive.  Time and time again I have let people into my life, despite the red flags (and I mean giant, huge, spotlight on them, can’t be missed red flags).

So Lauren has been working on helping me figure out what qualities in a man I really am looking for.  The entire process has been so eye opening for me and has really helped me focus.  My goal is to date with a purpose and find the man I want to be with.

Now keep in mind, this does not mean “Oh he doesn’t have everything I am looking for on my list, I won’t go out with him”.  I still will say yes to all dates, but instead of dating the guy who I shouldn’t be with for 3 months, it will help remind me of what I truly want.

For most people, having a list is extremely helpful with making sure you let the right guys in.  How many times have we heard someone say “He asked me out, but he’s shorter than I am” or “He has red hair”.  These are things that shouldn’t be deal breakers at the beginning!  Would you really want to turn away the love of your life because they don’t fit every little detail from what you have built up in your mind?? 

This list isn’t set in stone, I can adjust things as they come up.  But for now, here is my list;

1    1.  Hard working in all aspects of life (Work, Church and Family Life)

2    2.  Reliable

3    3.  Humble

4    4.  Strong emotional connection

5    5.  Physically affectionate

6    6.  Good sense of humor/banter

7    7.  Kind

8    8.  Willing to Travel/Sense of Adventure

9    9.  Personal Responsibility (no victim mentality)

1    10.  Open to alternative family options (blended families, possibly adoption etc)

      In the past two months, my list has been revised multiple times.  Some things have been removed altogether, some new things added.  I went on a date a few weeks ago with a man who was the most arrogant person I think I have ever met.  I literally got home and revised my list, and "Humble" jumped up to #3.

By putting it on paper and being so aware of what I am truly looking for, I have been amazed at how those types of people seem to be showing up everywhere I look!  No relationships yet, but I am always hopeful  J

In Defense of the Short Guy

Attention ladies!  There is a fully untapped resource in the dating market full of amazing guys!  You just might have to look a little lower than you originally planned.

That's right, I'm talking about short guys.

Since moving to Utah, I have been amazed at how many attractive, funny, ambitious, spiritual guys I have met.  To so many girls, they are un-dateable because they are under 5'10.  And yes guys, most women consider anything under that height to be "short".

Here in the land of plenty, tall girls abound.  I'm not exactly short at 5'8, and there are tons of girls that are taller than me, some even over 6 foot!  They are also crazy beautiful.

Now in our fantasies about the man we marry, he will be taller than us.  Tall enough that we can wear heels and he is still taller.  This I have found is the equivalent to men wanting a woman with long hair, big boobs and a small waist.

Does this mean that the perfect person for them will have those features?  No, no it does not!  But it's so easy for us to pass by an amazing person because they don't meet an unrealistic expectation.

I can understand where women are coming from.  Especially when you are already tall, it's sexy to be with a man who makes you feel tiny and feminine.  I dated a guy who was 6'5 and I absolutely loved when he would wrap me in his arms and make me feel so safe.  He was also a complete jerk.  Not exactly worth it.

A perfect example is my dear friend Hilary.  Hilary is 5'11.  In the past, she had said she wouldn't even consider dating a guy unless he was at least 6 feet tall.  Then she met Dan.

Dan is 5'8.  A full 3 inches shorter than she is.

Dan is also intelligent, hard working, funny, kind, loyal and just about every amazing quality you could want.  Oh, and super handsome, don't worry Hil, I'm not trying to hit on your man  ;)

They were good friends for about a year before he admitted he had feelings for her.  She decided to give it a shot.  They have now been married for a little over a month!

I asked Hilary what changed her mind about dating a guy who was shorter than her and she said
"I got to the point in my life where the other stuff like drive and niceness were higher on the list than height".

If a guy truly cares about you, the height difference won't bother him either.  She said "He doesn't care.  I have even asked him and he has no concern about it, which makes me totally comfortable too.  He is manly.  He doesn't have to be taller than me to be a manly man that can protect me."

They absolutely adore each other and he treats her like gold.  Isn't that what we are all looking for?

There is only one piece of advice I have for the guys.  I used to date a guy who was about 4 inches shorter than me.  It never bothered me, until he went to hug me goodnight.  Instead of putting his arms around my waist, he would put them around my neck.  It totally made me feel like the guy and I hated it.  Guys, don't do that.

So I ask you tall ladies, give the short guys a chance!

And like my dear aunt says, go ahead and date the shorter guy, because it doesn't matter when you're laying down ;)