In the process of working with my dating coach, one exercise she has had me work on has been particularly helpful;
Creating a Top 10 List
I have always been a very “all inclusive” dater, which I don’t think is a particularly bad thing. My rule has been, if someone asks me out (unless I feel physically in danger) I will always say yes. I don’t really have a “Type”, and I love to meet people from all different walks of life. The downside to this is I tend to be too inclusive. Time and time again I have let people into my life, despite the red flags (and I mean giant, huge, spotlight on them, can’t be missed red flags).
So Lauren has been working on helping me figure out what qualities in a man I really am looking for. The entire process has been so eye opening for me and has really helped me focus. My goal is to date with a purpose and find the man I want to be with.
Now keep in mind, this does not mean “Oh he doesn’t have everything I am looking for on my list, I won’t go out with him”. I still will say yes to all dates, but instead of dating the guy who I shouldn’t be with for 3 months, it will help remind me of what I truly want.
For most people, having a list is extremely helpful with making sure you let the right guys in. How many times have we heard someone say “He asked me out, but he’s shorter than I am” or “He has red hair”. These are things that shouldn’t be deal breakers at the beginning! Would you really want to turn away the love of your life because they don’t fit every little detail from what you have built up in your mind??
This list isn’t set in stone, I can adjust things as they come up. But for now, here is my list;
1 1. Hard working in all aspects of life (Work, Church and Family Life)
2 2. Reliable
3 3. Humble
4 4. Strong emotional connection
5 5. Physically affectionate
6 6. Good sense of humor/banter
7 7. Kind
8 8. Willing to Travel/Sense of Adventure
9 9. Personal Responsibility (no victim mentality)
1 10. Open to alternative family options (blended families, possibly adoption etc)
In the past two months, my list has been revised multiple times. Some things have been removed altogether, some new things added. I went on a date a few weeks ago with a man who was the most arrogant person I think I have ever met. I literally got home and revised my list, and "Humble" jumped up to #3.
By putting it on paper and being so aware of what I am truly looking for, I have been amazed at how those types of people seem to be showing up everywhere I look! No relationships yet, but I am always hopeful J