Monday, September 26, 2011

Yep, I’m a Mormon. No, were not as weird as you think…. Ok, some of us are, but not all….

Yep, I’m a Mormon.  No, were not as weird as you think….  Ok, some of us are, but not all….
Hi.  I’m Barbie.  And I’m a Mormon.  As the church begins the next step of its ad campaign to encourage people to ask questions about the church and learn for themselves, I have done a lot of thinking about what it means to me to be a Mormon.  I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there, so I figured I would give my take on it.  As always, my opinion is meant to be humorous and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.  Remember, angels can fly because they take themselves lightly  J

No, I’m not a polygamist.  Mormons haven’t practiced polygamy in over 100 years.  Yes we did practice it for a time.  People ask why.  I do not know the exact reasons, but I do think it was necessary at the time.  The way I look at it, it was during a time when so many people were crossing the plains to get to Utah.  Many people died, leaving so many widows with no one to take care of them.  Polygamy gave those women a spouse.  Is this the doctrinal reason for it?  No, but it’s the way I look at it. 
Does the fact that we used to practice polygamy bother me?  No.  I think having multiple wives would be a great trial.  I don’t think I could ever be apart of that unless my husband wanted to marry more women who really liked to cook and clean and have babies, that way I didn’t have to, haha  J
There are still people who practice polygamy, but they are not members of the Mormon church.  They are people who have broken off from the main religion.  Anyone in the Mormon church who practices polygamy is excommunicated.  It’s as simple as that. 

No, I’m not a die hard republican.  I’m not even a registered Republican for that matter.  Personally, politics bother me.  I don’t get the whole left wing, right wing thing.  I know some republicans that believe abortion should be kept legal.  I know some democrats who don’t believe in legalizing gay marriage.  It’s not cut and dry the way people think it is.  Personally, I vote for who I think is the best candidate.  No, I will not get into a discussion with you about it.  I would rather shove splinters under my fingernails than fight with people about politics.

No, I don’t hate gay people.  I actually quite like gay people, especially gay guys.  They are freaking hilarious.  My personal though is, unless you are trying to sleep with me (which so isn’t gonna happen) then I don’t particularly care who you’re sleeping with.

No, I’m not going to shove my religion down your throat.  I don’t tend to talk about my religion a lot outside of church.  I don’t ever want to alienate anyone.  I know some people feel our missionaries can be pushy.  I can understand that.  I know it must be annoying to get a knock on your door and have two young guys (or girls) want to talk to you about religion.  All I ask is that you are nice to these missionaries.  These people have put their lives on hold for two years, moved away from their family, and are dedicating that time to nothing but service.  If they knock on your door and you don’t want to hear it, just say no thank you and wish them a good day. 

Yes, we believe in the Bible.  Most Mormons have a set of scriptures called “A Quad”.  In this quad are the scriptures we study, which are; The Bible (King James version, both Old and New Testament), The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants and The Pearl of Great Price.  We absolutely believe in the Bible.  The Book of Mormon does not replace the Bible, if anything, it confirms the Bible’s teachings.

Yes, I am a Christian.   This one still boggles my mind.  I am so confused as to why so many people think that Mormons are not Christians.  We believe in the Bible.  We follow the teachings of Christ from the New Testament and the Book of Mormon.  I would think this is the basic definition of being a Christian.  Some people say it is because we do not use crosses.  It’s true, you will not see a Mormon church with a cross on top, or anywhere inside.  We also do not wear them as jewelry.  The reason for this (as I’ve heard it explained before) is because we do not focus on the way Christ was killed, we focus on the atonement and the reason he died.

No, I’m not going to show you my underwear.  It’s true, I’ve had people request to see my “crazy Mormon underwear”.  Granted they were drunk when they asked me, but I digress.  I’m not sure when it became socially acceptable to talk so openly (or ask to see) what people wear under their clothes.  I have no desire to know if the man next to me on the light rail is wearing a blue sequined thong speedo, so I would hope you would give me the same privacy.

Yes, I believe the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet.  I have prayed about it and got my answer.  It’s as basic as that.  No burning bush or angels coming to talk to me.  I just know it’s true.

No one makes me do anything.  I always find it amusing when people say to me “Oh you can’t do that, you’re Mormon”.  The exact opposite is true in face.  I can do anything I damn well please.  If I decided to go to a bar one day and get hammered wearing a bikini and smoking pot, I could.  No one is going to stop me.  The point is, I choose not to.  I have been thru a lot in my life, and I have done some really dumbass things.  But now I’m at a point where I have learned that the “rules” of the church are there to help us, not hinder us.  And I am thankful every day for that.

You don’t have to believe what I believe.  Random thought;  I can’t stand the Howard Stern Show.  I also can’t stand the Rush Limbaugh show.  For two people with such different opinions, you might be surprised to know that I dislike them both for the exact same reason.  I find them both offensive and annoying.  They both try to shove their opinions down your throat with no respect or class.  The mere sound of their voices is enough to make my eye twitch and I’m over come with the desire to rip the stereo out of my car with my bare hands and throw it thru the window.  Because I feel this way, do I protest their shows?  Do I write them hate mail?  Do I insist they are taken off the air?  No.  I simply change the channel if they come on and I don’t listen.
I have met a lot of people and have seen a lot of things on TV with people that hate the Mormons.  People spend mass amounts of their time making anti websites, passing out literature, protesting outside of our meetings and bad mouthing us to anyone who will listen.  This is frustrating and sad to me.  I wish more people would instead of trying to tear others down, looked past our differences and figured out what we have in common.

So there you have it, some random thoughts on what we Mormons believe.  I encourage everyone to visit and take a look at what they have going on there, it’s pretty incredible.  Or you can always ask me questions if you want  J


  1. I flipping love you : ) Especially the last point. I could go break every single commandment right now--but the gospel tells me what the consequences would be, and I do not want to suffer them. Being given more knowledge in order to make a more informed decision--people say that's restrictive?? Riiiiight.

  2. Awesome post! Thanks for your perspective Barbie! Although now I really wanna ask to see your panties! Hahaha just teasing! Hugs!! -Cass