I Need a Nap

I Need a Nap…

Dates Accomplished – 45, 46, 47, 48, 49 and 50!

I’m halfway to my goal!!

It has been exciting, interesting, and honestly, exhausting.  Seriously, I need a nap.

As wonderful as it has been to meet such amazing guys, I haven’t had the time to put into my friendships and health as I should.  So I have decided to take a little break from dating.

As of right now, I am going to take 2 weeks off from dating.  I am debating on taking the whole month of May off, but who knows.  My mind changes from day to day, so we will see  J

Don’t worry though, I will be back to my crazy dating ways soon enough!  But for me, this will be my life for a bit

Love to all, and thanks so much for your support!

Why I Hate When People Tell Me “Quality, Not Quantity”

Dates Accomplished - 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44!

Quite frequently when people find out about my 100 date challenge, they like to say something like "You should be focusing on quality, not quantity”.

This is pretty much the face I make when I hear it.

It’s about the same way I feel when people assume I am doing my challenge so I can get a bunch of free dinners.  

Why does it bother me so much you ask?  Because people assume things without asking me anything about what I am doing. 

Why do people assume that the guys I am going out with aren’t quality?

Do people assume that I am just grabbing random guys off the street?  Maybe I’m just waiting outside the jail for when guys get released?  Or I work across the street from the homeless shelter, I could probably get to my 100 dates easy by saying hello to them.

Let me clear this up for everyone.  The men I have gone out with have been QUALITY.  Seriously, any woman would be lucky to spend an evening with any of them.

They have been gentlemen.  Conversation has been wonderful.  They are intelligent, hard working, handsome, good men.

By putting myself out there (to the point of literally holding a sign saying “I’m Available”) I have opened myself up to meeting men that normally I never would have had the opportunity.

Just because I am not exclusive with any of these men, doesn’t make them any less quality.  I just happen to be a hard person to connect with romantically, that’s all there is to it.

There have been men that I really hoped would ask me on a second date, but didn’t.  There have been men who have asked me out more than twice, but I knew there wasn’t a deeper connection so I chose to remain just friends.

This is just how dating is.  You keep trying until you find a spark.

If this challenge has opened my eyes to anything, it’s that there are some wonderful single men here in Utah.  

I feel incredibly privileged that so many have chosen to take me out.

So don’t just assume.  You never know what’s going on in this crazy head of mine  J

Same Barbie, Different Package

Dates Accomplished – 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35….65 to go!

The main question I get when people find out about my dating challenge is;  Why are you doing it?

That’s a good question.  One that I have been thinking a lot about.

There were several reasons I decided to give myself this challenge, but I think the main reason I am doing it, is because I am shocked that there would be that many guys who would be interested in dating me.  Why, you ask?

This was me 3 years ago.

Yep, that was me.  All 300 pounds of me. 

I decided to have gastric bypass surgery in 2011 and lost 150 pounds, literally half of my body weight.  It was the best decision I have ever made.

The best compliment I have received since having the surgery, is from people who knew me before I lost the weight.  They tell me that my personality hasn't changed at all since loosing the weight.  It may seem strange, but that was something very important to me.

Before I lost the weight, I wasn't horribly depressed, crying alone every night wondering why I was single.  I had a fantastic life, filled with lots of friends and fun.  I just happened to be morbidly obese.

When I was heavy, I had lots of guy friends, who were just friends, but I loved having them in my life.  They taught me so much about men, relationships and what to look for in people I wanted to surround myself with.  But I never got asked out, and I understood why, and I was ok with it.

Some people would argue with me.  “Aren’t you mad/sad?  If they love your personality so much, shouldn’t your looks not matter?”.  People are always surprised when I wouldn’t agree with them.  I understood.  I wasn’t just 30 pounds overweight, I was morbidly obese.  I weighed 300 pounds.  I understand that you must be attracted to the person you are with.  The reason I understood this and had no issue with it, was because I have never been attracted to morbidly obese men, even when I was heavy.  That didn’t mean they were bad people, or that they didn’t have wonderful things to offer, I just wasn’t attracted to them.

So I understood when men weren't attracted to me.  Simple, honest.  No excuses.  Just a basic understanding.

What I haven’t understood as much is now that I have lost the weight, how so many guys are interested, but as soon as they find out I used to be heavy, disappear.  And this isn’t just an occasional thing, it happens all the time. 

It normally happens like this.  Either we meet online or in person.  We become Facebook friends, they then look thru my photos.  I don’t hide the way I used to look, you can see my transformation in my profile photos.  They send me a message, something along the lines of “Wow, is that really you in your photos?  What an amazing transformation.  You should be really proud of yourself”.  And then I never hear from them again.

I have asked a lot of my trusted guy friends why they think this happens.  Most start out with saying that the guy in question is a douche.  Haha, I love them  J  But the main thing they all say, is that the guy is probably terrified that I will gain the weight back.  I can understand this fear, but I also know plenty of girls who were a size 2 when they got married, and gained weight after kids.  Life happens. 

I could let it get to me, but I also keep in mind that there were also lots of things I used to do/be.  If he can’t handle that I was fat, he isn’t going to handle that I have a past.  Plain and simple.

So back to the dating challenge. 

For the first time in my life, guys actually want to go on a date with me.  It’s been a blast getting to know so many, cute, fun, wonderful guys. 

So when people ask me why am I doing the challenge?  

The simple answer is, because I can  J

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Dates accomplished:  22, 23, 24, 25 and 26.   74 to go!

I’m not going to lie, I love to kiss.  It’s one of my favorite things to do.  But I have a confession.  I don’t really like to French kiss.

I’ll give you all a moment to gasp in shock and then compose yourselves.

Now let me explain, I do like a little bit of tongue, but just a little.  More like a hint of tongue.  What I really love are lips.  Soft, sensual, long kisses, where the focus is on the lips.  Yummy.

So why am I making this the subject of a blog post?  Because I am shocked at the amount of bad kissers out there and I think it needs to be addressed.

I have told a few people about my taste in kissing, and most guys respond the same way, “well you just aren't kissing the right guys then!”.  They then proceed to kiss me in exactly the way I DON’T like to be kissed.  Fun for me.

Let me just say, I have kissed my fair share of guys, probably too many to be honest.  And I know what I like and what I don’t.  And when you slobber all over my face and jab your tongue down my throat like you’re trying to implant an alien into my stomach, it isn't exactly a turn on.

I did a blog post a while back about kissing, you can read it here if you want .  It talks about all the different types of kissers I have encountered.

http://barbieannlove.blogspot.com/2012/01/kissing-are-we-saints-or-are-we-sluts.html

There used to be one of those horrible reality shows on VH1 (so of course I loved it) that taught really nerdy and shy guys how to gain confidence and pick up on women.  Some of it was cheesy, but some of the tips were really good.  They did a whole show on kissing, and it was some of the best advice I have ever heard.

I have a gift for you guys, hopefully the best piece of kissing advice you will receive;

*You should always wait at least 30 seconds during kissing before using any tongue*

Seriously.  Please take this advice.

Why is everyone so quick to jam their tongue in someone’s mouth?  At the very least, don’t come at me with your tongue already out!  You laugh, but I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me!

I have only kissed 2 guys since I started this dating challenge, neither of them were good.  The most recent happened a few weeks ago.  

We were chatting in his car (I don’t normally have first dates in a car, but the coffee shop we were at closed earlier than we expected).  He was a nice guy, but he talked…a lot…  I got bored, and figured the best way to shut him up was to kiss him, then I could go home.  (And people wonder why I’m single??).  He had gorgeous lips so I was hoping that maybe, just maybe this could be a good kiss.  So he goes in for the kiss, and his tongue is already out of his mouth before he has even kissed me!!!

His tongue could just not figure out what to do, it was everywhere.  I swear at one point he even licked my front teeth.  Yes, really.

In my mind, I just couldn’t figure out how this hot, intelligent, sexy man, was now giving me quite possibly the worst kiss of my life.  Have women told him this felt good?  Were they encouraging this behavior??

And then the biting began. 

I am all about a playful nibble on the lip, well into a good make out session (not 5 seconds in).  But this was not a nibble. 

This dude was biting my lip and I thought he was going to take it home with him. 

At this point, I was looking for my escape plan.  

I pulled back, he came forward, I pulled back further, he was still here.  At this point, I was practically pushed against the window.  OK, time for the kiss and release, get my lip back unharmed and head home.  

Mission accomplished.  My lip survived for future adventures.

*I think it’s important to clarify here, at no time did I ever feel threatened or in danger.  He was a sweet guy who just didn't have a lot of experience.  Or had a lot of experience from some really bad teachers*

So what makes a good kisser in my opinion? 

Confidence is a big one. 

Be romantic, but passionate.

Limit the tongue, it should be a tease, not a tidal wave.

Put your hands on my face, not in a creepy way.

Nibble my lip, but only if you know for sure it’s something I like. 

If my eyebrow, cheek or forehead are wet after kissing you, you’re doing it wrong.

Some of you may be thinking “If you have kissed that many guys, and most of them are bad, maybe you’re the bad kisser?”.  I have definitely considered this option.

I choose to think that the problem isn't me, I could be wrong  :)

If all else fails, follow this simple advice. 

Happy kissing everyone!!

I Bit Off More Than I Could Chew....

Dates accomplished - 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 & 21.    79 to go!

Ok, so I may have been a little ambitious with my goal of 100 dates by July 7th.  More like, what the hell was I thinking to do that many dates in that short of time??

To accomplish this goal, I have to go on an average of 4 dates per week.  Sounds fun and doable, except busy season is in full swing at my job and it doesn't end until August!  By the time I am done with work most days, I just want to curl up on the couch and relax, not have to turn on the "Barbie Charm" for a date.  It's exhausting ;)

So the challenge has been extended.  100 dates by December 31st, 2014.  

That seems much more realistic for me.  And I won't have a mental breakdown, which is always a bonus  :)

More blog posts to come!

When Did Dating Become Like a Job Interview?

When Did Dating Become a Job Interview?

Dates I’ve gone on  -  15           85 to go.....

**Disclaimer – I haven’t felt this way on any of the dates I have been on this year**

I’m confused.  Am I on a date?  Or on an interview for a job/eternal companion?

What happened to going in with an open mind?  See if you two have chemistry and go from there?

I had never experienced the job interview date until I moved to Utah, and it happened about five times in a row.  All of them were with guys in their late 30’s who had never been married before.  I could practically see them marking things off a mental check list, and getting more and more disappointed by my responses.

A perfect example.  I met a guy online and we decided to meet for hot chocolate after work (one of my favorite first dates by the way).  I will refer to him as “Wife Employer” or WE.  We order some drinks and without much other small talk, they move into their main requirements.

WE – So do you come from a big family?

Me – Not really, I’m the youngest of four and my sibling are a bit older than me so it felt like I was an only child a lot.

WE – Are they all married?

Me – Yep, I’m the only single one.

WE – Have you ever been married?

Me – Nope

His eyes get wide with hope

WE – So do you want a big family?

Me – You mean a lot of kids?  How many do you consider to be big?

WE – At least 6.  I definitely want 6 or 8 kids.

Me - *Nervous laughing* No probably not.

He instantly looks deflated, his hopes of a giant family crushed in one instant.

WE – So how many kids do you want?

Me – I’m not sure, two, maybe three?

More visible disappointment.

WE – Oh, I like big families.

So let me stop there.  I find it interesting that each guy that has asked me how many kids I want, they never ask me why.  If they did, they might consider my reasoning.  I’m 33, I will be 34 this summer.  When I get married, ideally I would like to wait a year before having babies.  So even if I met someone today, say we dated for 6 months or so and got married, that still wouldn’t put me having a baby until I was 36.  I don’t really love the idea of me having a baby after 38, so that puts me at about 2 babies.

The other thing they would find out, is I would love to be a step parent.  Or that I would love to adopt children.  But when it comes to me, physically popping a baby out of my body, 2 is what I would like.  Will this change?  Maybe, but probably not.  Big families are wonderful.  Small families are wonderful.  Couples who just have dogs are wonderful.  To each their own.

I’m also confused as to why a man who is in his late 30’s, wants to have kids possibly into his 50’s?  I need a nap just thinking about it.  Most married guys I have talked to about this laugh and say “let him have 1 kid, then see how quickly 8 turns into 4”  :)

WE – So where did you go to school?

Me – BYU

WE – What is your degree in?

Me – I actually don’t have a degree.

More visible disappointment.

Ok I get this one, kind of.  You’re right, I don’t have a degree.  In fact, I only went to 1 semester of college before deciding it wasn’t for me.  I wasn’t aware I needed it in order to get married.  This doesn’t mean I think it’s not important to have a degree, they are.  But for me, I had no idea what I wanted to do.  I found working to be a much more useful education.  I have been working since I was 10 years old and I love it, but school, not my favorite.  I might go back one day for a degree in marriage and family therapy, but it isn’t in the plans any time soon.

WE – Did you serve a mission.

Me – No I didn’t.

WE – No?  How come?

Me – I was actually inactive at that time in my life.

By this point, I have clearly crushed his dreams of me being his perfect woman.

WE – You were inactive?

Me – Yes, for 15 years.

WE – Oh.

Yep, I was inactive, for a really long time.  From about when I was 10 until I was 25.  I was a very different person then, but I don’t regret it.  The choices I made and the experiences I had made me who I am today, and I like me. 

WE – You seem to really love your job.

Me – Yes I do.  I had no idea it was possible to be so satisfied by a job.

WE – You are very lucky, most people don’t have that.  Will it be hard for you to give it up?

Me – Give it up?

WE – Yes, when you have kids will it be hard for you to give it up?

Me – Ummm…….I don’t really plan on giving it up.

There it is, the crushing blow.  He may as well be laying on the floor in a heap of “I will never have my perfect LDS family I have always dreamed of” sadness.

This is probably the hardest one for me to explain, and definitely the hardest one for people to understand.  I adore my job.  I have never loved anything so much in my life.  I literally feel that it is a gift from Heavenly Father and that I get to use my talents that he has given me every single day.  One day my plan is to own my own company.  I hope to marry a man who will support me in this dream, who sees how much it means to me and the happiness it brings me.  I don’t plan to work full time after I have kids, I want to still be a mom.  But I know myself well enough that in order for me to be a good mom, I have to balance it with my work. 

So when did everyone, men and women, start treating dates like job interviews?  When did we start putting everything we want into these little boxes, and as soon as something doesn’t match up with your check list, they are immediately eliminated? 

I hate to break it to everyone, but the days of requiring that your future spouse be a virginal model of LDS perfection their entire life, those days are over.

There are wonderful, amazing people out there.  People that have been divorced.  People that have children.  People that were inactive.  People that didn’t serve missions.  People that are converts to the church.  People that have made mistakes.  People who are trying, and truly deserve happiness.

Stop treating dating like you are offering them a great job along with benefits and a 401K.  Open your mind to the possibility that the perfect person for you, might be completely different that you ever imagined.  

And geez people, it’s just a date.  Ease up and have some fun  :)

A Little More Info…….

Dates accomplished – 1, 2, 3 & 4…….  96 to go!

So I have gotten a lot of feedback on the dating challenge I have given myself, some negative, mostly positive.  I have also gotten a lot of questions.  I figure this weeks blog post will be answering those questions.

Does each date have to be with a different guy?

                Nope.  My goal is 100 dates in general.  Most of them will probably be first dates (I seem to be the queen of first dates), but hopefully I will have multiple dates with some guys. 

What if you meet someone you really like?  Will you keep the challenge?

                The whole point of the challenge is to meet someone special!  If I do meet someone that I want to be exclusive with,  I will plan to complete my 100 date challenge with him (no pressure right??)

How do you plan to find all of these dates?

                I will pimp myself out in any way possible.  Haha I’m kidding!  Well kind of…  So the one downside to my unbelievably amazing job is that it gives me ZERO opportunities for meeting men.  Well, I guess I could count meeting the fiancés of my brides, but that’s not really my style.  I’m going to try and go to every activity I can, church is always a good place too, and I will even be delving into online dating.

Do you really think you can find 100 guys to go out with?

                Maybe, maybe not.  But here’s to trying  :)

Are you going to be kissing all these guys?

                Hopefully not.  Ideally I would like to keep kissing limited to someone I am wanting to date exclusively, but if the opportunity presents itself I will decide on a case by case basis  ;)

Don’t you think guys will be bothered knowing that you are dating other people?

                Again, hopefully not.  I am a firm believer that everyone should be open to dating others unless you have both talked and mutually decided to be exclusive.  Communication is a big thing for me, so if they have an issue with it, I would hope they would bring it up.

100 dates can cost a lot of money.  Aren’t you worried about breaking a guys wallet?

                Little known fact about me, I’m a cheap date.  As my mom has said, “You’re cheap, but not easy”, haha I love my mom  :)  Truthfully, you don’t need to wine and dine me on a date.  If you want to plan something special and take me to a nice place, I will definitely appreciate it and enjoy myself.  If you decide to plan a casual date that costs $2, I will definitely appreciate it and enjoy myself.  I’m not doing this to get a bunch of free meals, I can buy those myself if I really want to.  I am looking for great company and the potential of meeting some great guys.

Why would a guy want to go out with you, knowing you are going to blog about him the week after?

                This one has actually been a concern for me, something that I plan to take precautions about.  No dates name will ever be mentioned on the blog.  If I choose to write about them, details will be changed and kept vague enough that hopefully people can’t pick out right away who they are.  Also, I will not blog about people right after we have gone out.  I have plenty of dating horror stories from my past to talk about, so I will mix up the order as much as possible.

Are you crazy?

                Yea, probably.  But it’s part of my charm  :)